You Know You Love Me, A

Let’s tie the last few episodes of Pretty Little Liars together and count the continuity issues!

Last week: Aria and Ezra indulged in a public makeout session in the parking lot of her high school where he just resigned. Thousands of PLL viewers melted in their seats.

This week: No mention of Ezra. Aria seemingly alone and later flirting with Jason di Laurentis. Did I miss the scene where they broke up? Was it buried somewhere beneath the passion?

Last week: Emily’s mom is extremely anti-gay. She is finding it very difficult to accept her daughter. She looks through an old box of crap and cries.

This week: Not only does she accept Emily but she’s inviting her girlfriend over for dinner. Who ends up in her bed. I’m seeing a pattern here, Em.

I’m not sure of the exact timeframe of this one, but I’m sure the actor playing Jason changed. And now the new Jason gets speaking lines, more intrigue, and more of a plotline.

This week the big mystery of Ian was solved when Melissa followed his text messages to find him dead in a barn. Must be a hard acting bit; he went from dead to dead. Way to go, A.

And that brings me to my biggest issue. A is someone residing in the tiny town of Rosewood, privately torturing and manipulating four girls. A is not Gossip Girl, a mystery blogger in the massive metropolis of NYC targeting a number of wealthy, pretentious families and exposing their scandals online. So when she sends the girls messages signed off XOXO, A? That’s a little much. Consider your competition, writers.

Mimi

I Hate Asking You To Lie Like This…But

The return of Pretty Little Liars stirred up that Nancy Drew crime-solving fire in each of us that so long ago tired of the Mary Alice Young mystery. It wasn’t the most cutting edge, though ABC Family would like to believe so, but it was satisfying enough.

The second you are transported to the seemingly-quaint surroundings of Rosewood, Pennsylvania, you realize that this is a town unlike any other. Students engaging in sexual acts with faculty, incest, a looming murder of a middle schooler, and full-on family interventions? Normalcy, hardly.

Nerdy Lucas was overly nice, Mona lost her only saving grace of being Hanna’s defensive little dog, sneaky Noel Kahn was back at Rosewood Day, and now there’s a Jason Thing. The girls immediately started off on the wrong foot with their shrink, who decided to split them up. And forbid them from seeing each other. Yeah, let’s see that one pan out.

My favorite character, dark and moody Caleb, was shooed by Hanna in a short, vacuous scene and just lent more time to discussing Ian’s whereabouts. Dead? Alive? A? This show is providing itself with the uphill battle of not turning every twist and turn into previous plotlines. Toby, Alison, Jenna…

It’s strange the things that continue to fly under the radar in this show:

1. There shouldn’t be any leading designer stores in a town resembling Stars Hollow. 

2. The girls’ parents are only around conveniently (hello – Spencer’s dad?) so it seems each sixteen-year-old girl owns her own 4 bedroom single family home.

3. The little one dresses like a prostitute. Is her wardrobe supposed to be described as trendy? Are booty shorts and thigh high boots trendy?

PLL‘s main downfall is that remarkable music is rarely offered, and on this premiere, they only presented a weak Christina Perri song for a weak assortment of scenes.

Mimi

That’s What You Said Right Before You Got Caught

The return of 90210 was a series of cheesy one-liners, warbly cries, homophobia, hostage scenes, cheatin’, killin’, and poor, poor Adrianna. And Annie’s Chris Brown/Bruno Mars wannabe boyfriend is soon to be written off the show, going the way of the drug dealer recluse boyfriend and soon to be forgotten.

On Gossip Girl, Serena kept Dan waiting…and waiting…and waiting. He asked if her current scheme was worth it and she responded making him feel worthless, an act we’ve witnessed for years. Nevertheless, Dan later comforted Blair, of all people, paying her the compliment, “You’re an evil dictator of taste.”

All the while, Bass Industries was sinking and none of the family was willing to salvage it, much like their once-strong bonds. And speaking of sinking, Serena was on some wierd tangent about “sink or swim” for the entire hour.

And we’ve caught wind that the Bass/Van der Woodsen clan are old news, anyway. There’s a new Trump Tower and everyone seems to have a room key.

On Pretty Little Liars, Ian was the new suspect and Noel Kahn was once more merely a silly little schoolboy. Aria’s mother informed her that she was able to keep a secret and then played matchmaker with Aria’s old babysitter and her secret lover. The best line to come out of the setup was, “They did not have English teachers like that when I was here.”

And suddenly, as of this episode, there is a new, nameless student at Rosewood Day who sells electronics and wants in everyone’s business. Because that’s what they needed.

The girls have been getting less and less discreet in public. Usually all whispers and secret hideouts, now the quartet is found loudly voicing their suspicions about Ian at the school Dance-a-thon.

The Dance-a-thon was a pretty lame theme, with rip-roaring Howard Jones music and constant rule breaking. Emily got drunk and hid outside, Hanna got dumped, Aria was tortured watching her beau with another woman, and Spencer was hastily trying to cover everyone’s tracks.  

Mimi



When Did This Become The Best?

Happy 2011! It seems as though we have rung in the new year with much talk about ABC Family’s Pretty Little Liars, which has just been confirmed for a second season. One question: how did this become what everyone is talking about? The show has viewers because of the New York Times Bestselling series, not some half-bit nobody actresses just as transparent as a young Hilary Duff. So, more specifically, how did poor acting and anticlimactic suspense become the best?

Among many flaws in this show are: 1. Little mysteries are being solved and the culprit is merely the smelly kid in Social Studies, 2. An immoral and illegal relationship is still occuring on school grounds, even with classmates catching on and 3. The fact that Toby and Jenna Cavanaugh have no parents. Ever noticed that? They llive in a big, dark house all by themselves, whilst other, equal-age characters’ parents play a big role. A couple of stiffs might ruin their moody, hushed, sexually-frustrated scenes anyway.

Regardless, ABC Family doesn’t have many other hot shows to draw in viewers. On Greek, Casey Cartwright graduated college and was supposed to leave. Oddly enough, she ended up staying all summer to pack her things and then decided to switch her education plans to stay with her deadbeat (yet charming and adorable) boyfriend…who is still in college. And she’s staying for more college. Greek is all about school and every show has an expiration date. It seems as though they didn’t think the show would do well and sped up years of school instead of smartly slowing them down. And now the storyline is losing any trace of realism.

But what can you say? If you’re watching ABC Family, like me, because Gossip Girl, 90210 and One Tree Hill aren’t back yet, you take what you can get. PG snuggle scenes and wheeling around in your house, scared by the entrance of your mom. Hurry up, CW, we’re getting desperate.

Mimi

Secrets Keep Us Close

“I’ll grow old and I’ll grow brave and I’ll go.”

On the Season Finale of Pretty Little Liars,

When A says, “You found my bracelet, now come find me,” Spencer says, “I think we’re supposed to go to where we found Ali’s bracelet.” Really? You gathered that in all your acclaimed brilliance, Spencer? She seems to consistently draw the short straw on fun, extra lines from the script.

The highlights of our little finale were Spencer and Melissa’s temporary heart-to-heart; where Melissa warns Spencer not to play Ali’s games, Aria and Mr. Fitz’s moonlit heart-to-heart-to-other-places; and Toby returning to pour his heart out to Emily who sticks the cops on him.

Spencer shared a secret. A shared Emily’s secret. Hanna learned Aria’s secret (and she’s getting good at this!) Good thing secrets keep them close, right?

Then the precalculated worst way to end this season was by adding a Mystery of the Episode that was solved in a character who was just introduced, and Hanna doing a terrible acting job of getting hit by a car.  You wouldn’t think that would be difficult but it must take a lot of talent.

Mimi

We Can All Try To Squeeze Into One Stall

On Pretty Little Liars, Darren Wilden reestablished himself as Town Narc, showing up at Rosewood Day to give the teenage girls bad news before they were about to take the SATs. Score one for Darren-?

Then Spencer’s mom left, tagging in Aria’s mom; so that she and Aria could have a whispered disagreement in the deserted halls until thd speaker system told Aria to get back to the library. The script was eating itself alive. But this theme wasn’t over until we could touch base with Hanna’s mom! Was this Gossip Girl syndrome or what!

Little Effie Kaligaris decided her meh acting wasn’t enough and wanted to sing to the Heavens. Er, school rafters. And then things were interrupted between she and Noel Kahn by Mr. Fitz staring them down. Noel thinks, weirdness much?

Meanwhile, Hanna’s mom was too into letting Aria’s dad, “use her fax” and Aria’s mom was imagining being in Mr. Fitz’s lap. Desperation runs in the family.

Town Narc returned to the girls, during the long, sudden blackout that kept them from taking the SATs, and said, “Emily! I think we found something that belongs to you. Could you come with me please?” Not waiting for her to hesitate, he added, “Emily! Let’s go.” Thanks, Town Narc.

The storm passed, the SATs were postponed, and all those moody Rosewood kids were happy on the outside.

The show ended with a new culprit, soon to be caught black-sneakered.

Mimi

You Are Just Like Alison, Aren’t You?

On Pretty Little Liars, Jason di Laurentis was about as off from the books as Emily Fields is, and had shown up for yet another long, drawn-out Ali Memoriam.

We had to watch Hanna limp out her faux-relationship with what’s-his-face when all her feelings were toward Lucas, the rapidly-less-nerdy kid.

One more betrayal of Alison’s reared its ugly head after her death. Being repeated in her words by Odd Girl Jenna and Big Brother Jason. 

Emily suddenly mentioned her father-character as being absent due to the military. So it can be a big deal when he comes home. I’m sure her mother already mentioned him at some point, like, “your father and I were worried sick” if only because this show has major continuity issues.

Jason was way too interested in his late little sister’s group dynamics, constantly bringing up the way things used to be; a bit of a Toby Cavanaugh himself.

The Rosewood movie theater, which has already made one tiny-town appearance, plays (bottom rate, old timey horror) movies right away; without previews or even opening credits. Believable? Hardly.

Our episode theme was forgetting Toby and the twist at the end proved we were making way for Ian.

At last, the girls realized they had been duped when Alison’s, “original” bracelet turned up, from the hands of her blood relative.

Pretty Little Liars hijacked my MP3 Player, with Carolina Liar‘s I’m Not Over and US Royalty‘s Every Summer. Good one.

Mimi

I Really Like Alcohol

On Pretty Little Liars, the episode began with Toby Cavanaugh gaining a motorcycle. For cool points. Cool-enough-to-date-Emily points, at least.

Then the girls had ended up with Toby’s file in their possession and, “just shove it in your locker” sounded like it just might’ve topped the growing list of the girls’ terrible ideas!

Jenna plopping down contentedly on Emily’s bed was beyond strange. It wasn’t exactly a normal situation to begin with; Emily’s recupe time was duking it out with her mother’s bedside interrogation.

Aria, Spencer, and Hanna were sick of carrying the file around with them, so they drove out to their Rosewood secret spot, which is apparently the cheapest set. Other ABC shows had reserved the house sets and all they had left was the, “generic woods.” Aria and Hanna march out to the creek and pointlessly instruct Spencer to stay behind…to babysit the car? “Why am I waiting here?!” She exclaims after a minute.

So Aria tossed Toby’s file into the creek nice and low to the ground. Then additional papers fell from the sky.

Aria, the show’s decided main character, snuck into Mr. Fitz’s house just as a message crucial to the plotline was being left on his answering machine. What timing!

Spencer’s catch of the day, Alex, was working temporarily in the club’s kitchen – like a pro – making one meal at a time, every half hour or so. Working at all hours of the day. And he was the only one in the kitchen. So he and Spencer would have the oppurtunity to dance in private, of course.

The show ended with Toby’s death.

On Real World New Orleans,

McKenzie’s drinking was out of control, Jemmye was a predictable slag, and Ashlee proved her redeeming qualities, by tolerating and teasing her bedroommate, Knight.

When this season’s location was first announced, I figured the anticipated volunteer work, that saves face for the intoxicated party slackers for ten minutes of airtime, was a shoe-in. New Orleans. Helping those less fortunate, maybe? No. They pushed a dog float at the Barkus Parade.

During Super Bowl Weekend, when the roommates were partying in a bar, Preston got kicked out for some unknown reason and it took the others way too long to notice his absence. As he cried in the street, alone.

The Preston vs. Ryan mini-feud continued, with words thrown about carelessly and childish acts that should have ended many seasons ago. Preston told Ryan that he wasn’t okay with his sexuality. Ryan cried on the phone to a male friend, ending the call with, “I love you.” Okay.

Mimi

It’s Unclear if the Journey is from the Past or in the Future

Things we like about Pretty Little Liars:

• Toby Cavanaugh listens to The Smiths
• Secretaries at a doctor’s office answer the phone saying, “Doctor’s office.”
• Hanna does something impossible and not clever with a door, “rigging it” so she could get inside the room later
• ABC Family seems to only splurge on Aria’s outfits and makeup 
• Extras only pass by once dialogue between main characters, such as Emily and Toby, has ended
• The four main girls are circulating about Homecoming the whole night, spilling into each other’s scenes, disrupting the usual routine
• Rosewood’s raffle at Homecoming wasn’t on the scale of a gift card to TGI Friday’s, but a car
• This is just another ABC Family show that thinks it’s a good idea to feature the worst live bands on TV during their show *cough cough Greek and Plain White T’s*
• Toby was abandoned awkwardly doing nothing time after time, then finally looks across the room to his sister sitting alone among a mass of dancing student body. Just so she could draw pointed attention being there. (Spoiler alert but over 2,400 pages of a storyline and only 6 hours of a show and we’re not about to solve the mystery of A in Jenna)
• Melissa Hastings showing up at the high school Homecoming dance was a dumb writing mistake, now pushing her character over the steep edge of desperation. Evil witch done-up hair was a nice twist, though.
• The girls didn’t notice Jenna in the same room as them. While they were having a secret conversation. About Jenna and Toby. Hmm. She hides pretty well for a blind girl.
• Yes, they did change Jenna’s last name only weeks into the series. A bit scatterbrained, aren’t we, writers who aren’t Sara Shepard?
• ABC Family says, “No, Toby screwing his sister is not acceptable! Stepsister? Well…That can’t be worse than what’s on Secret Life of the American Teenager. Okay.”
• There is a sign of all the current living townspeople of Rosewood. How convenient. Those painters will be exhausted soon!

Mimi

Mine’s Not Turning On!

On Pretty Little Liars, the Aria and Mr. Fitz love story got more complicated and she threw him the seductive line, “You’re the teacher, I’m the student.” Then they used a double-meaning in the short dialogue, “Thanks for this. I’m having fun.” “Me too.” It was almost too much subtlety.

But if subtlety was the issue, the show not-so-casually renamed Jenna Cavanaugh Jenna Marshall. So that she and Toby can just be two strangers living in the same house?

And lastly, it was a nice change of pace for the show not to end with a disconnected, “suspenseful” scene. Must’ve learned a thing or two from Desperate Housewives’ recent rough patch. That catch-in-the-last-three-minutes trick goes sour pretty fast.

On The Hills,

Heidi and Spencer were referenced this episode. But they did not make an appearance. Because they have no sort of belonging to the show anymore. Since they went overboard. With the crystals. That protect them from bad people…Heidi’s mom was in this episode, but no Heidi-tron.

Holly asked the girls if they were going to Colony, a nightclub, while at a restaurant named Culina. Blink. What a broad vocab, all of Los Angeles.

Then bland Lo asked Stephanie about Costa Rica. Her response was this:

“Like, Audrina and I, like, had a good time. Like, besides, Kristin and Brody. ‘Cause like, it was just kind of like they were arguing and fighting.” Translation: Audrina and I had a good time. But Kristin and Brody were fighting.

Not as if the fighting was on Brody’s mind. He and the boys went out for a bike ride. Welllll, Frankie tried. “Mine’s not turning on!” He exclaimed, over the bike he was entrusted. Before stumble-walk/crashing it into the ground. Alas, silly friend we keep around to share a few laughs!

So, surprise, surprise the girls went to Colony, which is not, in fact, the place they had already been earlier that day. Brody and his homies were there, as well. Just to create drama. No, I’m sure it was a coincidence. Los Angeles is pretty small. And there are only a couple nightclubs.

Bland Lo brings her boyfriend of a year, Scott. Yes, suddenly Scott is a character! This is the first season Lo is even a character, for which she is wholly grateful. Don’t push it, you stodgy, boring two.

Stephanie made her intentions clear to Brody’s latest friend. Brody tried his hardest to sink her battleship; the good, old fashioned hatred resurfacing. And shouldn’t he have been managing his own problems? Sure. But Brody ignored Kristin for his phone.

“Does it bother you that Brody didn’t talk to you?” The idiot clinger bartender chick asked Kristin. Um, a resounding yes!

As far as music, we endured the good (Alicia Keys’ Un-Thinkable; Jason DeRulo’s In My Head), the bad (Adam Lambert), and the ugly (Colbie Callait.)

And as for Audrina…She must have been next to go after Heidi. All building up for the Kristin Show.

Mimi