I Hate Asking You To Lie Like This…But

The return of Pretty Little Liars stirred up that Nancy Drew crime-solving fire in each of us that so long ago tired of the Mary Alice Young mystery. It wasn’t the most cutting edge, though ABC Family would like to believe so, but it was satisfying enough.

The second you are transported to the seemingly-quaint surroundings of Rosewood, Pennsylvania, you realize that this is a town unlike any other. Students engaging in sexual acts with faculty, incest, a looming murder of a middle schooler, and full-on family interventions? Normalcy, hardly.

Nerdy Lucas was overly nice, Mona lost her only saving grace of being Hanna’s defensive little dog, sneaky Noel Kahn was back at Rosewood Day, and now there’s a Jason Thing. The girls immediately started off on the wrong foot with their shrink, who decided to split them up. And forbid them from seeing each other. Yeah, let’s see that one pan out.

My favorite character, dark and moody Caleb, was shooed by Hanna in a short, vacuous scene and just lent more time to discussing Ian’s whereabouts. Dead? Alive? A? This show is providing itself with the uphill battle of not turning every twist and turn into previous plotlines. Toby, Alison, Jenna…

It’s strange the things that continue to fly under the radar in this show:

1. There shouldn’t be any leading designer stores in a town resembling Stars Hollow. 

2. The girls’ parents are only around conveniently (hello – Spencer’s dad?) so it seems each sixteen-year-old girl owns her own 4 bedroom single family home.

3. The little one dresses like a prostitute. Is her wardrobe supposed to be described as trendy? Are booty shorts and thigh high boots trendy?

PLL‘s main downfall is that remarkable music is rarely offered, and on this premiere, they only presented a weak Christina Perri song for a weak assortment of scenes.

Mimi

I Really Like Alcohol

On Pretty Little Liars, the episode began with Toby Cavanaugh gaining a motorcycle. For cool points. Cool-enough-to-date-Emily points, at least.

Then the girls had ended up with Toby’s file in their possession and, “just shove it in your locker” sounded like it just might’ve topped the growing list of the girls’ terrible ideas!

Jenna plopping down contentedly on Emily’s bed was beyond strange. It wasn’t exactly a normal situation to begin with; Emily’s recupe time was duking it out with her mother’s bedside interrogation.

Aria, Spencer, and Hanna were sick of carrying the file around with them, so they drove out to their Rosewood secret spot, which is apparently the cheapest set. Other ABC shows had reserved the house sets and all they had left was the, “generic woods.” Aria and Hanna march out to the creek and pointlessly instruct Spencer to stay behind…to babysit the car? “Why am I waiting here?!” She exclaims after a minute.

So Aria tossed Toby’s file into the creek nice and low to the ground. Then additional papers fell from the sky.

Aria, the show’s decided main character, snuck into Mr. Fitz’s house just as a message crucial to the plotline was being left on his answering machine. What timing!

Spencer’s catch of the day, Alex, was working temporarily in the club’s kitchen – like a pro – making one meal at a time, every half hour or so. Working at all hours of the day. And he was the only one in the kitchen. So he and Spencer would have the oppurtunity to dance in private, of course.

The show ended with Toby’s death.

On Real World New Orleans,

McKenzie’s drinking was out of control, Jemmye was a predictable slag, and Ashlee proved her redeeming qualities, by tolerating and teasing her bedroommate, Knight.

When this season’s location was first announced, I figured the anticipated volunteer work, that saves face for the intoxicated party slackers for ten minutes of airtime, was a shoe-in. New Orleans. Helping those less fortunate, maybe? No. They pushed a dog float at the Barkus Parade.

During Super Bowl Weekend, when the roommates were partying in a bar, Preston got kicked out for some unknown reason and it took the others way too long to notice his absence. As he cried in the street, alone.

The Preston vs. Ryan mini-feud continued, with words thrown about carelessly and childish acts that should have ended many seasons ago. Preston told Ryan that he wasn’t okay with his sexuality. Ryan cried on the phone to a male friend, ending the call with, “I love you.” Okay.

Mimi