YES, Brought To You By The Upper Crust

On the season premiere summer-to-fall transition episode of Gossip Girl, the word yes is as overworked as a runway show and 60% of the Upper East Side has moved to California. In the strangest twist, everyone’s new love interests have accents. Are we supposed to believe that Los Angeles and England are the same place or is one of the casting directors geographically challenged?

Blair wore some curtains and sent out wedding invitations for her syrupy new romance. Dopey Deroda took the fall for the pregnancy test and the teeming news will surely shriek like a tea kettle when she starts showing. Then again, this just might be the death of this show – Blair Spawn. We liked seeing Blair Waldorf torture girls in high school who were forced to sit lower on the steps. We don’t want to see her mommy and marry Prince Charming. Not when her alternatives are Chuck and Dan.

This episode featured the synth/techno explosion (and Electric Feel’s half-sibling) Houdini by Foster The People. Possibly three months too late, possibly right on time.

So, Dan Humphrey is silently pining for Blair’s love and attention and, oh yeah, the resurfacing of a couple con artists we don’t care about. Hmm. Sounds like Juliet all over again. Just other side plots to be brushed under the rug because Serena is wearing a giant necklace at the time.

But the one thing we have missed the most are of course Chuck Bass’ snippy one liners. Lecherous, cringe-worthy, but so fitting, here are a couple of the best:

(Regarding one of his sexual escapades) “If you hear anything crazy, it means I’m doing something right.”

“People like me don’t write books. We’re written about.”

And isn’t that the truth!

Mimi

Get Out Of The Sinking Ship While You Can

The 37th season premiere of Saturday Night Live proved itself to be less than sensational. With seasoned host Alec Baldwin and a handful of brand-new, weak skits, Lorne could have tried a little harder to please his audience. *ahem* Surprise face Seth Rogen doesn’t exactly make people jump out of their seats with excitement.

The political intro was predictable, the wittiest skit was Red Flag perfume, and Bill Hader was forced to play host for every fake show-within-the-show. SNL is no longer able to be clever [Alec taunts us with Shweddy Balls but no such luck]; it is merely bawdy and distasteful. Really, Who’s On Top?

Musical guest Radiohead oohed, aahed, and Coldplayed for the studio audience in a whimsical, underwhelming set but luckily they stayed awake for the comedy standby Weekend Update. Which brings me to my final point.

I am beginning to think that this generation’s SNL can’t stay alive without the help of Seth Meyers, Andy Samberg, and Justin Timberlake. And, let’s face it, Amy, Tina, and Jimmy all got out and were given their own shows. And Jimmy got his Ben & Jerry’s ice cream flavor first. Before you know it Andy Samberg will be co-hosting a raunchy morning show with Aziz Ansari.

This is present-day comedy, people.

Mimi

Brian Fallon, I Was Just About To Miss You

The debut Elsie from side project band The Horrible Crowes is a strong beginning and confident stride for the duo of Brian Fallon and friend Ian Perkins. Indie label Side One Dummy immediately backed The Gaslight Anthem‘s Fallon’s creative roadtrip; and what a masterpiece he’s stitched up and presented.

Brian Fallon is a hardened old soul with a story and the mean accompanying songwriting chops to drive his point home. On I Witnessed a Crime he croons “And this heart I had, you never sympathize,” finishing up by telling himself, “It’s just a little bit of blood in your eyes, so boy stop all your crying.”

Brian pushes his limits going harder on tracks like Mary Ann and Go Tell Everybody than he has with Gaslight. And the gentle, honest songs remind us of his last debut, on 2007’s Sink or Swim. Any song of his that reminds me of Red At Night is a winner.

Nevertheless, you ask for a lover or a fighter and Brian will give you both. He’s working class and he’s got some troubles and repentance. He’ll put you in an old car and take you for a spin, even if he was, “some fella that just said the right thing.” But no matter what, in a songwriting world of ambiguity, Brian is your companion who will tell it to you straight. 

Mimi

Goodbye Dylan and the Horsey Song

On the one-hour season premiere of Modern Family, a lot had changed. Lilly is now a different actress (one trained quite well to say things like “I want to make the baby dead”), Alex is quickly developing into a teenager, and, oh yeah, we left Hailey’s boyfriend, Dylan, behind on the family vacation.

Mitchell and Cam are planning on adopting a second child, Phil and Jay aren’t seeing eye to eye, “Cactus Flower” Gloria is bad at admitting when she’s wrong and Claire always needs to prove herself right. Okay, so Mitchell and Cam are the only ones evolving.

Nevertheless, after receiving armfuls of Emmys over the weekend this may result in a boost of viewership for the already successful sitcom in the near future. As much viewership as that for Charlie Harper’s ashes being spilled all over his living room? Maybe, maybe not.

Mimi

The Bitter Taste of Revenge

The teaser for the new ABC drama Revenge didn’t give away much. They were counting on the intense stare of one Emily Van Camp and the weight of a single word. The premiere offered up many childhood flashbacks of lead Amanda, a nod at big drama plotlines and many easy-to-read characters.

 

Episode 1 and Amanda’s alias has already been blown and her confident, big-dog exterior will surely crumble the more she plays with the South Hampton rottweilers.

The highlight was a smattering of lovely Angus and Julia Stone songs to set the mood for ocean views. Although, as we have learned from shows like One Tree Hill, you can only use good music as a crutch for so long before viewers realize the content isn’t that spectacular.

In conclusion, Revenge is dramatic yet hollow, like a gasp for air coming up from the water. It’s cold at first but it gets warmer with each wave, right?

Mimi