Little Black Sheep Baa’ed All the Way Home

We said a long, tearful goodbye to Ryan on Real World New Orleans this week. Goodbye spastic tantrums, goodbye cuddling, goodbye obsessive forehead-hair wiping, goodbye long-standing hate crimes, goodbye gagging, goodbye frowning at Jemmye, goodbye words “dude” and, “man”, goodbye rapid-fire lies, goodbye loaded insults, goodbye refusing to help out, goodbye ear grabbing, goodbye fight starting, goodbye Ryan’s butt.

In a weird turn of events, Eric, the mild-mannered roommate, exploded on Ryan. Then all 7 roommates told Ryan to leave. Goodbye, good riddance. 

Mimi

Knight is a Fat Child

On Real World New Orleans, the house was flipped upside down. First, Eric called Ryan a pansy for good reason and after the first ten minutes, Ryan faded out of the entire episode. Probably to go yank on his hair, breathe heavy, and mutter to himself in a deserted house hallway. Plotting some kind of wimpy revenge. Even when the roommates were finally going to help Katrina victims through Habitat for Humanity, Ryan announced no, he wasn’t good with houses, only hair. So he opted out of community service.

Sahar finally exploded out of her introvert shell, ready as ever to start and participate in roommate fights. She called Knight a fat child. And said she wanted to build a bridge on the gap between his teeth. And shunned Jemmye, who was supposed to stick up for herself against Knight this episode, but froze up and didn’t follow the plotline. Ashley and Sahar were unhappy about this. What about McKenzie, you ask? Shouldn’t she feel the same, as a female? Nope; she decided it was a great time to flirt with Knight. After showing off to all of zero (0) people who cared that she could climb a ladder.

Then Preston buddied up to Knight. And called him a sociopath ( pronounced so-see-oh-path.) Yet another normal house friendship blossoming.

Mimi

Mary’s a Gypsy and She’s out to Play

Immediately on Real World New Orleans, Ryan was convinced and frightened that, “McKenzie was a gypsy,”; everyone wanted in on the skanky bubble bath, and Jemmye Drink-in-hand was worried about McKenzie being too drunk. Welcome to New Orleans.

Jemmye’s boy back home said this to clear things up between the two of them: “Yeah, I’m okay. Nothing’s wrong. I just…Y’know?”

Ryan, “squashed things” with Preston, then basically said, “Yeah, I’ll talk bad about him; I hate him even more now.”

Sahar tried to talk sense into McKenzie/Mary. She nodded and mmhmm’ed while sorting her beads.

Jemmye turned to Knight, basically saying she was choosing him over the boy back home (after he was ignoring her, mind you.) He responded by informing her that she was, “ruining his game.”

Meanwhile, McKenzie had been hanging out with a guy who seemed pretty sober; when he mentioned his tendency to black out, she was sold.

Last week Preston and Ashley had the issue of not recording when they should have been. This week they recorded correctly! Then they lost the recorder.

Jemmye decided to reveal her deepest secrets to Knight in a noisy bar. Because he, a juvenile, insensitive frat boy whom she had known for a month and slept with every night in the house, was someone she had gotten to know best of all her conquests. Then he was emotional. No. Wait. Drunk. Aim high, Jemmye. Mardi Gras has to come to an end.

Mimi

I Really Like Alcohol

On Pretty Little Liars, the episode began with Toby Cavanaugh gaining a motorcycle. For cool points. Cool-enough-to-date-Emily points, at least.

Then the girls had ended up with Toby’s file in their possession and, “just shove it in your locker” sounded like it just might’ve topped the growing list of the girls’ terrible ideas!

Jenna plopping down contentedly on Emily’s bed was beyond strange. It wasn’t exactly a normal situation to begin with; Emily’s recupe time was duking it out with her mother’s bedside interrogation.

Aria, Spencer, and Hanna were sick of carrying the file around with them, so they drove out to their Rosewood secret spot, which is apparently the cheapest set. Other ABC shows had reserved the house sets and all they had left was the, “generic woods.” Aria and Hanna march out to the creek and pointlessly instruct Spencer to stay behind…to babysit the car? “Why am I waiting here?!” She exclaims after a minute.

So Aria tossed Toby’s file into the creek nice and low to the ground. Then additional papers fell from the sky.

Aria, the show’s decided main character, snuck into Mr. Fitz’s house just as a message crucial to the plotline was being left on his answering machine. What timing!

Spencer’s catch of the day, Alex, was working temporarily in the club’s kitchen – like a pro – making one meal at a time, every half hour or so. Working at all hours of the day. And he was the only one in the kitchen. So he and Spencer would have the oppurtunity to dance in private, of course.

The show ended with Toby’s death.

On Real World New Orleans,

McKenzie’s drinking was out of control, Jemmye was a predictable slag, and Ashlee proved her redeeming qualities, by tolerating and teasing her bedroommate, Knight.

When this season’s location was first announced, I figured the anticipated volunteer work, that saves face for the intoxicated party slackers for ten minutes of airtime, was a shoe-in. New Orleans. Helping those less fortunate, maybe? No. They pushed a dog float at the Barkus Parade.

During Super Bowl Weekend, when the roommates were partying in a bar, Preston got kicked out for some unknown reason and it took the others way too long to notice his absence. As he cried in the street, alone.

The Preston vs. Ryan mini-feud continued, with words thrown about carelessly and childish acts that should have ended many seasons ago. Preston told Ryan that he wasn’t okay with his sexuality. Ryan cried on the phone to a male friend, ending the call with, “I love you.” Okay.

Mimi

He’s the Bestest and She’s a Messtest

It was Mardi Gras on Real World New Orleans so the roommates went wild.

Ryan was once again caught up on the subject of cuddling, whining at McKenzie, “You wanna sleep by yourself? Good. ‘Cause I don’t wanna cuddle anyways.” Later, the two brushed their teeth together, with a hidden meaning not so hidden behind the act. Then she shooed him away. He was, “weirded out.”

McKenzie’s friend came to visit. And when McKenzie described her as, “Exactly like me,” she wasn’t being clear enough. Suze was not just exactly like her; she looked like a McKenzie clone.

Preston slept around with two or three guys in as many days, giving Ryan something to be overly defensive about and get his good old hate circulating again.

Amidst this was the drama of Jemmye and Knight. See, Jemmye’s tramp status was forever up for discussion in the house and everyone was placing bets on when she would sleep with Knight. Including Knight. And Jemmye. A little attention-hungry, are we? 

Needless to say, by the end of Mardi Gras, Jemmye was arguably the drunkest person in New Orleans. No surprise there. She got mad at Knight but became more intoxicated and forgave him, later falling over in the street and repeatedly crying out, “I want Knight!” Knight eventually hid from her at the house, in a shower, and when she crawled, sobbing, to Ryan; blubbering for his help, he was disgusted and inched away from her. So Jemmye called her mom. The important thing she had to say was, “Momma, iwyaeiuweeaiy!”

At last, when Jemmye should have held out because everyone had bet against her ability to maintain abstinence, she just proved them right. Proved just how easy she could be.

Then McKenzie’s best friend left without saying goodbye to McKenzie, only Ryan. McKenzie took a bath in her tears that morning.

Mimi