Mine’s Not Turning On!

On Pretty Little Liars, the Aria and Mr. Fitz love story got more complicated and she threw him the seductive line, “You’re the teacher, I’m the student.” Then they used a double-meaning in the short dialogue, “Thanks for this. I’m having fun.” “Me too.” It was almost too much subtlety.

But if subtlety was the issue, the show not-so-casually renamed Jenna Cavanaugh Jenna Marshall. So that she and Toby can just be two strangers living in the same house?

And lastly, it was a nice change of pace for the show not to end with a disconnected, “suspenseful” scene. Must’ve learned a thing or two from Desperate Housewives’ recent rough patch. That catch-in-the-last-three-minutes trick goes sour pretty fast.

On The Hills,

Heidi and Spencer were referenced this episode. But they did not make an appearance. Because they have no sort of belonging to the show anymore. Since they went overboard. With the crystals. That protect them from bad people…Heidi’s mom was in this episode, but no Heidi-tron.

Holly asked the girls if they were going to Colony, a nightclub, while at a restaurant named Culina. Blink. What a broad vocab, all of Los Angeles.

Then bland Lo asked Stephanie about Costa Rica. Her response was this:

“Like, Audrina and I, like, had a good time. Like, besides, Kristin and Brody. ‘Cause like, it was just kind of like they were arguing and fighting.” Translation: Audrina and I had a good time. But Kristin and Brody were fighting.

Not as if the fighting was on Brody’s mind. He and the boys went out for a bike ride. Welllll, Frankie tried. “Mine’s not turning on!” He exclaimed, over the bike he was entrusted. Before stumble-walk/crashing it into the ground. Alas, silly friend we keep around to share a few laughs!

So, surprise, surprise the girls went to Colony, which is not, in fact, the place they had already been earlier that day. Brody and his homies were there, as well. Just to create drama. No, I’m sure it was a coincidence. Los Angeles is pretty small. And there are only a couple nightclubs.

Bland Lo brings her boyfriend of a year, Scott. Yes, suddenly Scott is a character! This is the first season Lo is even a character, for which she is wholly grateful. Don’t push it, you stodgy, boring two.

Stephanie made her intentions clear to Brody’s latest friend. Brody tried his hardest to sink her battleship; the good, old fashioned hatred resurfacing. And shouldn’t he have been managing his own problems? Sure. But Brody ignored Kristin for his phone.

“Does it bother you that Brody didn’t talk to you?” The idiot clinger bartender chick asked Kristin. Um, a resounding yes!

As far as music, we endured the good (Alicia Keys’ Un-Thinkable; Jason DeRulo’s In My Head), the bad (Adam Lambert), and the ugly (Colbie Callait.)

And as for Audrina…She must have been next to go after Heidi. All building up for the Kristin Show.

Mimi

Why Would You Want to Look Like Barbie?

The most refreshing thing on TV last week came surprisingly from The Hills Final Season Premiere. That’s a rather appealing bonus word, no? Final. The biggest changes are that Lo was finally added as a main character, Stephanie Pratt had gotten into trouble and, oh, Heidi.

Let me set this up the way the producers chose. In one of the first scenes, Heidi and Spencer are having a conversation from two different rooms; a conversation that sounds more scripted than The Hills has ever sounded. This takes a lot. It took the substance of the show from simply bad writers to what sounded like voice-overs. The documentary version of LA; the plastic stereotype we never cared to witness coming to life. Comparing the “after” disaster to the “before” photos scattered around her parents’ house. I’ll put it this way. Someone’s new face should not be treated as an unveiling.

Meanwhile, Audrina, Lo and I-Had-a-DUI weren’t happy with Kristin. Even though they knew she was trouble and she wasn’t like them and they did invite her in the first place. So after the slow realization that their generous invitation was a bad idea, and because they were hurt that Kristin wasn’t spending time with them and was making them late…they called her a crackhead.

Futhermore, I will not be surprised when this season comes to a close and Audrina or Kristin are given their own shows immediately thereafter. The show is now revealing the true Heidi and Spencer through talented filming and editing and I believe they are the reason The Hills has its expiration date. Heidi has taken the show as her new representation of reality and unfortunately let her life become a freak show. The second the public stops playing into her games, the better off she will be.

Mimi