I Love The Boys!

This week on The Hills,

To the sounds of new OneRepublic and old AAR, Kristin finally broke it off with Justin (we think.) Like most people, pants don’t agree with Kristin, but that’s okay, she doesn’t miss them. In one scene she announced “I love the boys!” and in the next, homewrecker-turned-cohort Stacie was telling her to “take it easy” on a banana.

In a way, Audrina broke up the happy couple…but can she really be held responsible when she’s baffled by putting her car in reverse?

Kristin didn’t fit Justin’s pace of life anyway. He asked her “Can you just mellow out? Take a nap-? Cruise-?” You’re probably thinking ‘wow. that tool sounds like a greaser.’ Good thing he had the threads to go along with it.

Justin Bobby played dress up as a greaser and a detective! Yay! The crazy outfits are back! Can we make requests? My vote is for chinos, cowboy boots and mittens.

On Greek,

Cappie and Casey are finally back together after an entire season filled with discussion about the end of the world party. And what better way to celebrate than setting another sorority’s house on fire? OK, Evan Lame-bers didn’t seem too happy for them when he set up the KTs and got 3 of Cappie’s best expelled from the school they never attend. Ashley wasn’t totally excited, either, but that’s probably because she remembered she was dating the girls’ manny. All the odds could be going against them right now but it’s Cappie and Casey and now they’re sharing more than a “Night, Cap.”

People losing competitions:

On The Amazing Race 15, when Maria and Tiffany had to pick their Detour challenge, they were comfortable in their decision. They thought they would be equally good at both dancing and playing golf, but they chose dancing. Unfortunately, they needed upper body strength to get through the door so, after many attempts, they switched tasks. They biked all the way back to the swamp they had to swip through. But golf was hard, too, and they were about fifteen hits over par. They biked back to the first task, dancing, but were still too weak. They returned to golfing (via bike, strip, swim) but now it was windy! After “hugging it out” many times, they gave up and Phil came to find them. In this situation, that wasn’t even the most embrassing part.

On Project Runway, Christopher played his worn woe-is-me card to try to win the judges’ pity. But this didn’t make them suddenly forget his horrible design, which he admitted described him as a designer, and for once in the challenge, his tears didn’t work. If Gordana knew this tactic wouldn’t work maybe she wouldn’t bring her coming-to-America story into things. Then again, Heidi was just wondering how the Grey Dress Woman stuck it out so long.

Mimi

Help Her Get Rid of the Body

One Tree Hill-

“Get a shovel and help her get rid of (Alex’s) body,” has been Brooke’s attitude for a while now. The fact that Julian and Alex were able to kiss and make up and focus on Alex’s “script” isn’t helping things. Meanwhile, Millie just wants to be Alex and has no idea that Mouth has been fired because being a fake model is more important. Haley got arrested, Nate has been useless and Jamie: super-introverted and emotional. Somehow we’re still dwelling on Quinn and David and how she is sexually-inactive sleepover buddies with Clay…Excuse me, but where did the writers go? Did they leave with Lucas, Peyton and baby? Did they quit shortly after Nanny Carrie and Q got shot? Soon we’re going to care about Skills and Tina which is even worse than Kate Voegele and that guy LC dated!

Gossip Girl-

Who knew the Van der Woodsen-Humphrey kids could be so Brady-like? Meddle for their parents’ sake much? And what could make their force stronger than inviting ol’ Peter Brady into the gang? Gaining a Jan. But beisdes that, nothing!

Georgina. Winning, losing, violating Dan Humphrey…Serena. Playing stupid and falling for the same guys over and over…Bree. Blandly betraying and getting found out…Vanessa. Not being liked by two guys at once. Jenny. Wait. Is Jenny still on the show?

The girls never cease to amaze us with their mediocrity! Maybe if they were doing shady things like the guys; making deals, having sloppy affairs, 2-minute flings, being secretive and talking in hushed voices; maybe then it would all be worthwhile. Prepare yourselves for Blair Waldorf, jewelry thief.

Greek-

So Cappie and Evan and Casey are friends…but only in secret, which means basically never, and Cappie and Casey still won’t be together? OK. Just checking. Rusty and Jordan had broken up but Rusty realized he has no game and other girls don’t want to date him so he tried to get her back with a roomful of people hanging on his every pathetic word. Dale is once again “in a relationship with God”, Casey is openly jealous of Cappie’s girl, Ashley and Fisher have nothing in common, and Beaver is always ready to defend a bro. Sounds about right. 

The Hills-

K-Cav has never hit it off with another girl before as well as she is with Skanktender Stacie! What a relief!

Jayde, Brody’s girlfriend, throws Brody a birthday party (c’mon, doesn’t the guy have a birthday every 3 months or so now?). K-Cav announces she’ll have an after-party at her house. Brody says he’ll go. Jayde is thinking “huh?”, gets mad, walks away. Brody shouts “We don’t care. Leave. We don’t care.” He is such a winner – I still can’t believe it didn’t work out between him and Kristin.

And hold up a minute! Stupid-ass Pratt is able to hang out with K-Cav and Skanktender now? Since when? Remember “do you own pants?” and “you need to respect Audrina” (rebuttal) “this is how it’s gonna be?” How much extra are they being paid to tolerate each other, seriously?

“Love is the kind of thing that ends a relationship,” is the dumbest thing Brody has said since not recognizing Jimmy Carter. Why are we celebrating this moron’s 3-month birthday???

Off in Heidi & Spencer land, Spencer is trying to play lose-golf with his brilliant friend, Charlie, when End-Zone shows up right on cue. Spencer asks him “how did you get in?” Enzo, as rehearsed, says “0-3-1-0,” grinning devilishly and fingering the rolled up dollar bills in his chinos’ pocket.

But Spencer redeems himself when he takes Heidi to a ‘fancy dinner’ dressed like a cowboy extra. Heidi asks him to take the hat off but Spencer is wiser than that, remarking, “Only a true man can wear a beaver-skin hat to dinner.” Audrina could learn a thing or two from these words of wisdom!

Mimi

I’m a Ninja

So…What was Cappie gonna do at the end of the world? Well, he was going to sweep Casey off her feet but a drunken Evan Chambers got in the way. The same Evan Chambers who dated Frannie, so he can’t have the best judgement. The Evan Chambers who is mooching off his still-rich girl, Rebecca = morally messed-up.  And, oh yeah, don’t take advice from EVAN CHAMBERS!

Mopey Casey’s sisters tried to console her with the Sister Cat but it doesn’t really have a consoling effect on people. So she kept pouting over her “rejection” from Cappie for the rest of the day.

But not as mch as Rusty pouted over Max‘s departure -Let’s take a moment to *whoo-hoo!*, please. Whoo-hoo!- Rusty, aren’t you dating Uncle Jordan? Don’t cheat on your uncle.

Then Cappie helped Rusty and Casey and collected trash for the sake of Rusty’s C. How could anyone still be mad at Cappie? He was misguided but he didn’t intend to hurt them and then he took the fall for his little brother!

Meanwhile, Ashley was more interested in Rebecca’s relationship than her own when Rebecca had actualy kissed Fisher the night before, not Evan. Because Evan was too drunk. So, like most situations, it was really Evan’s fault! Go anyone-who-isn’t-Evan!

Dale felt guilty after sleeping with his cougar so he proposed to her…With his class ring. She claimed to be busy with her cat.

And, big post-summer conclusion: Cappie and Casey still aren’t together. Was that really the best you could do, writers-of-Greek? Apparently so. This just goes to prove why your show isn’t on a better network.

Mimi

It’s the End of the World, Cappie

On the season finale of Greek, it was the KT’s End of the World party, where Casey made the moves on Cappie, Dale’s woman made the moves on him while he made the moves on Calvin and Calvin finally made the moves on his roommate. That’s a lot of the same moves.

Cappie turned down Casey and she promptly broke up with Max. Ashley made Frannie realize how pathetic she’s always been and then Frannie basically said she was leaving the show. The direct results from these parts were very win-win.

Casey pouted and Cappie drank on the roof, alone, until Ashley sat down next to him and said, over the noise of the party, “It’s the end of the world, Cappie. What are you gonna do?”

Then it ended!!! What did he do?! It’s about time Cappie & Casey were together again or else this whole past season was a complete waste!

Over on Kendra…

(*sigh* No, it hasn’t been cancelled yet.)

The episode started off with Kendra doing an ad or something for Dave and Buster’s; she was distracted by the noises and colors and made the lispy comment of “Forget clotheth! I wanna play video gameth!” She left the shoot in her lingerie, horrifying the prudish assistants and gradually fading into the Go, Kendra! theme song.

The next random thing Kendra did was play basketball with Hank at a charity event, where she was ready to “basket him!” ? He got his football number on his jersey and Kendra, suitably enough, didn’t get a number. Then she talked smack about how great she was at every single sport and “was so unbarassed b’cause I couldn’t make one shot during practice.” Go figure, Kendra! Her teammates hated her and Hank’s team won anyway. Yeah, you really showed him. Mwahahaha!

Filling up the rest of the half hour time slot, Kendra met Hank’s parents out in the countryside of NM. She obsessed about the cows and finally, much to the cow’s apparent dismay, got to milk one.

Kendra’s featured quote of the week: I always thought if you milked a cow long enough other stuff would come out. I was wrong. It’s only milk.

That’s what the Girls Next Door viewers thought of you, Kendra! What a coincidence!

Mimi