Miss Universe
Got some really fetching acts to perform last night…Like Heidi Montag-Pratt. Heidi’s performance didn’t even graze already low expectations. Her song, that sounded like it was recorded in her kitchen called “Body Language” and even Britney would cringe at, was playing in the background to her lipsynching.
Her 12 backup dancers made her look worse, not better, and her brown, double-crotch spandex-suit made her look like a workout instructor as opposed to a singer. The workout being hop-hop, strut, walk straight, bend over, walk back, hop; repeat. Whoo, don’t break a sweat.
And most of the intelligible lyrics were “Do what you like, like, I’ll do what you like. Like.” Way to go, Heidi. A song about sexual favors. You’ve outdone yourself. Her mic was strategically turned on after she was done singing so she could squeak “thank you! thank you!”
Then Flo Rida violated Miss Australia’s personal space and stalked Miss Venezuela backstage.
The third performance was Kelly Rowland and a lame DJ (David Gu-etta?) who tried to excite the audience by raisin’ the roof while not really deejaying. You’re thinking “Kelly Rowland? You mean like one of the untalented, unpopular girls of Destiny’s Child? Like not Beyonce? Thanks.”
Yes, it sounds like a disaster but the cardboard audience and applause loop really enjoyed the performers of the night. Guess you had to be there.
The voice-over guy and Billy Bush had some very tasteful things to say, as you could imagine. Before the swimsuit portion, when the show was headed to commercial, the voice-over says “Skin is in and you’ll see plenty of it!” For being aired on NBC and being Trump’s special kid, they sure sound desperate for viewership.
What did Billy have to say about the swimsuit portion? “You got the bathing suits…You see the physicality – bang!” Miss Australia would agree. She’s had to work for her figure.
Then they let the girls talk, inspiring a new segment here:
What a Story, Vapid Model!
Miss Venezuela (the winner) starts hers off like this “Four days before my fifteenth birthday, my father, who had been kidnapped, was released. It was at that moment I went from being a child to being a woman.” Wait a second…Did you have to, uh, trade something to get your dad back?
Miss Dominican Republic, the runner-up, begins “I was twelve when my brother was born. I didn’t like taking care of him.”
At the end, when you get to hear Miss Universe ’08’s little speech she’s going into how great her experience was, blah blah blah. And to her friends and family “By the way, I will always love you.” By the way? What, you just remembered to mention them?
The crowning was anything but theatrical, as Billy kept reminding us she would be a “repeat”, so they pitched the crown on the floor. Naturally. Two hours of beauty pageant garbage and it just goes to show that if you have a really dramatic story to tell, you will win.
On the season premiere of Project Runway, there were a lot of new characters to deal with, like Nicolas Putvinsky -what a name to hate- who had designed for someone nobody’s ever heard of before and had his work on the cover of Vogue. So why is he there? Who knows. Johnny, on the other hand, had an immediate meltdown when he couldn’t make his brain work. On the very first challenge.
We saw the best and worst of designs but it boiled down to an “unwearable”, see-through hack-job or dealing with a crazy chick whose designs were for women of 2080. See ya, alien-girl.
The abrupt cancellation of Megan Wants a Millionaire was due to Ryan Jenkins’ let’s say questionable behavior. Remember Ryan? He was the one vying for a greencard, the one who said “She’s hot. I’m hot. We should be together.” like three times in a row. Ryan Jenkins was suspect of murdering his ex-wife when the police recently found her body but they had yet to track him down. And once they did, he had committed suicide.
Tough luck, Megan. Maybe Vh1 will take a hint and lay off the skanky shows for a while…But what would they air? Music videos?
Mimi
Mimi's blog 