IVs and Such As

On this week’s Tool Academy, the therapy session kicked off with the tools drawing themselves and their girlfriends also drawing them. Neander Tool’s girl drew him on fire, Angelo drew himself as an ape and Kyle drew…smog. Yeah, he didn’t get the purpose of the task. Then Neander Tool just said what Trina wanted to hear but she wasn’t having it; “Wrong answer.”

Next, the tools and their girls were led into a room with chairs all facing a TV. Kevin said, “Anytime you see a TV, it’s time to take a mental beating.”

But they received more than just a mental beating. Unable to handle criticism, Tommy ran away, Glow Stick Tool screamed at his girl and Kyle and Neander Tool got into it again, all at once. The resident Hugger jumped in and, at last, Trina intervened, saying, “This is your therapist here.”

When Tommy didn’t return right away, Kate was wondering, “Wow. Should I go home right now?”

Then, while Lesley was still out of the room, Glow Stick said how he couldn’t turn a ho into a housewife. He didn’t want her to punch him again so she didn’t get to hear that jab.

Later, Trina still felt the need to bother the tools, like they were all suddenly homies. “Hey, guys,” She chirped, walking into their bedroom, “I’m going to hang with you.”

After the recurring little pep talks, Angelo made the revelation, “I see myself bettering myself.” That was almost just what his therapist wanted to hear.

Needless to say, deadbeat Glow Stick Tool was kicked off and then informed his baby mama that he was not in love with her. Things you’ll only see on Tool Academy.

The Amazing Race 19-

On Amazing Race, Caite and Brent, the models, weren’t feeling very well. Go figure. So they went to the emergency room. But then they were fine. Go figure.

As Brent said, “We were on IVs and such for a few hours.” And such? Really? I wonder where he got that.

Then Jeff got a little too into five card stud, saying things like, “Let’s dance.” And, “I’m bustin’ up this joint.” He was actually doing nothing; not, as it would seem, dancing.

At the next challenge, Brent roped his bull on his second try but then couldn’t open the clue. Yes, that’s excellent coordination.

Meanwhile, Jeff finally exclaimed of he and his teammate/pet, “We’re so stupid! We definitely shouldn’t reproduce!” 

Agreed.

Mimi

Tool Equals Not Good

On the premiere of Tool Academy 3, we were introduced to a new batch of tools. The new twist? This season is co-ed.

We have:

Kevin; Double-talkin’ Tool, who is actually married. Yeah!

Courtney; Lady-Lovin’ Tool, and quite honestly the last lesbian any girl would want,

Chasyn; Wrestlin’ Tool, who claims to be 5’2″ but might not even graze 4’11”,

Tommy; Loony Tool, when “loony” translates into “flamboyant.” Sort of like Guyliner Tool,

Jennavecia; Toolette, who seems to only talk about her family’s brothel and her dirty deeds,

Angelo; Ripped Tool, who looks like a Jersey Shore version of Elmer Fudd,

Jacob; Neander-Tool, who is our replacement Power Tool; big, dumb and trying to win Alpha Male status,

Shawn; Surfin’ Tool, who at this point completely fades into the background…Yeah, I’m drawing a total blank on him. But his name’s Shawn! Coincidence?

Jordan; Boyband Tool, who wore a pink leopard-print thong for the fake tournament,

And Daniel; Glow Stick Tool, who gets emotional about his love of glow sticks and is, too, the color of the sun.

The fake title this time was Party Ambassador. Really? Not a one of these tools even knows how to pronounce or spell the word ambassador, let alone claim the title! What about refrigerator or cornucopia or Guatemala? Would they try out for being the next Guatemala if Party came before it?

Immediately, the tools did not like their fellow tool, Chasyn; maybe because he wore a diaper with his name on it. Neander-Tool told him, “I will bang you so hard, boy.” Uh, really?

Then Glow Stick Tool said, “I am white Caliente.” We see that. And, “I play with this stick every day!” Still! Really? They’re not making any correlations here?

Kicking off the walk-out-to-poolgoers-say-a-catch-phrase-and-get-tested-by-the-host competition, Angelo was a definite winner.

“This is the moment you all been waiting for!” He announced. Before tripping and falling in the pool. That didn’t bring down Angelo. “I love it! I love my life!” He screamed. Though, his mood changed when he found out there was no Party Guatemala: “Tool equals not good.”

“I’m married,” Double-talkin’ Tool admitted, “And I’m married to a sista! I might get stabbed!”

Yes, the fun definitely ended in Cancun. As did Real World’s fun. Maybe the tools should have been sent to DC for Party Ambassador tryouts. Things would have peaked at, well, they wouldn’t have peaked at all.

Another fight broke out when Jennavecia positioned herself in the middle of the beds in the tool bedroom and Neander-Tool wasn’t about to have it.

“We will scrap.” She told him.

?

During therapy, with the Credential-lacking Tool Academy Hag, Trina, things got heated as expected.

Lesley recited her tool, Glow Stick’s words back to him, asking, “What do you smell from miles away?” He stared at her funny probably since he doesn’t understand cameras. Even when she told him that they all saw it, he still didn’t get it so she gave up explaining.

Once it was put into words that, yes, Jennavecia had cheated on her sad, weirdly-trusting boyfriend, Kyle, she tried to use it to boost her character. “You like me because I brought craziness to your life.”

When it came time for elimination, it was revealed that, as always, the tools had decorated their jackets. This time with glitter, zebra-print fabric and pink feathers. Are they encouraged to do this now, following in the footsteps of the first class? Is there some tool-friendly arts-and-crafts table set up in the house?

Anyway, Courtney beat Chasyn wrestling so he got upset and left his girl and the academy. And we got to see what a 4’9″ little tool looks like walking away, defeated.

Mimi