Megan Wants Attention

On the premiere of the complete sucker-show Megan Wants a Millionaire, Megan Hauserman was ready to show us, once again, what an awful person she is. The whole point of this Vh1 disaster is “Megan is shallow and will marry any equally-talentless hack as long as he can afford her.” Add a pointless narrator, faux-fancy music and…Cici and Brandi and it’s right up there with New York and Kendra.

First, Megan met her suitors; a 2.5 mil plumber, 10 mil trust fund baby (who had to potty), a guy named Audi with a deformed double-forehead, and a 175-year-old man-geezer. Didn’t know there were so many bottom-of-the-barrel millionaires out there, huh? Yeah, that’s because they’re probably actors and it’s probably a total sham.

James was a very bad kisser, The Punisher had unsightly “birthmarks,” dorky trust fund baby repeated that he really did have to potty before and Al barked at Megan who, naturally, dumped her entire flute of champagne in her eyes.

It was an uninteresting, unsurprising elimination when she got rid of the Buffy/*NSYNC/Lady Gaga-quoting 225-year-old man, Baby Bad Kisser and Big-foreheaded, bad conversationalist Audi. Even though she wanted to mooch off of his supposed capability of making her a movie star, Megan was not willing to date someone who could be her great-grandfather.

Over on Dating in the Dark, this time all three women felt connections with the same guy. This forced the other two men not to choose any of them for a reveal. All three women? That’s a great situation! You are one lucky dude!

Unfortunately, they all thought he looked too young and they all left. Well, next time dude. You’ll definitely get a chance like that again.

On Kendra, just when you thought this show couldn’t get any worse, it can! Let’s add simple graphics and put thought bubbles over their heads! We don’t just have to watch the (hour-long) disaster of their (hour-long) wedding and endure the bachelorette party but it still needed to be (an hour long!)dumbed-down an extra notch!

Lastly, on Real World, Bronne, Joey and Jasmine brought their hookups back to the house. Jasmine’s didn’t exactly work out. She got the signal when, instead of kissing her, Pat pillowed her face.

Then Bronne formally passed his (Playboy model – that makes 3 in this post) hookup to Joey but Emilee stepped in and stole her with the last words of “she likes me better.”

By the time Derek was bringing his hookup home to meet the girls, Jasmine was going a little insane. Pat’s excuse: We haven’t had a heart-to-heart yet. 

Mimi

Ditching in the Daylight

On the series premiere of Dating in the Dark, 3 guys and 3 girls were forced into a pitch black room in a speed-dating sort of setup. They could talk to whomever within the group and get a feel (sometimes literally) for the person they clicked with the most.

The next step was removing their shirts and having them delivered to the opposite sex in a different part of the TV mansion so they could smell them. Yes, seriously.

Then there were one-on-one dates in the dark where they could have deep conversations and feel each other’s faces. Then they described what they felt or imagined to an artist and those pictures were presented to the subject, to view the accuracy/inaccuracy.

Next, they were sent back to the dark room with the dater of their choice, where a spotlight would be shone on both of them, seperately. The trick? They can’t see the expression of their viewer.

Finally, after talking to, seeing, touching, smelling, and building a relationship with this person, they have the option of facing them in person…or leaving the mansion.

It’s a show based on liking someone on the inside; a way to weed out who’s shallow and who’s not; weighing if you can really base a relationship on someone’s personality before their physicality.

Of course you would want to meet the guy or girl you’ve been dating and groping, right? You’re on network TV so you don’t want to look  completely shallow. All you’d really have to do is meet them and fake chemistry until the cameras left. But Christina didn’t figure that out.

Christina packed her bags and kept her guy waiting; waiting on the deck where he could see her leave. She wouldn’t even look up at him; she must have been so offended by his looks. Someone he thought was deeper than that; leaving. Way to go, Christina! We wished looks wouldn’t matter that much to you either.

The nation continually agrees that beauty is only skin-deep. Look at basically any reality show. The cast of The Hills, the Kardashians, the Lohans, the Hogans, Kendra, Denise, Megan, Girls Next Door; the list goes on. Are these people anything special or great on the inside? No. But the majority of viewers think they’re attractive. Minorities don’t matter and looks do.

Entertaining, sure. A good idea for an hour-long show? Not at all.

Mimi