Some Sort of Flying Thing

In my Week of TV Highlights Reel, let’s begin with Amazing Race 16:

Considering that this show is all about traveling, usually via planes, you would expect that the racers would catch on to certain things very quickly and become street-smart at the same time. Brent proves this theory wrong.

He saw his very first airplane on the race and it scared him, “They’re up in some sort of flying thing.”

Later, this male model said, “I wonder if they meant South as in a direction or South as in just go that direction-?” Never mind. Brent is just as dumb as Caite, Jordan and Jeff.

Speaking of Jordan and Jeff, their racing technique was simply driving where their brains led them. Of course, this meant circling a roundabout for about an hour before realizing that their surroundings looked awfully familiar.The little things started to get to Jeff. “Tie your shoe.” He told Jordan. “Dang it.” She drawled, “The shoes are too big. The hat’s too big.” And later, “Now this hat’s too big!”But Caite and Brent couldn’t let any team look dumber than them. Brent read a clue aloud, saying, “Warning: the last team to check in may be…eliminated.” He was completely shocked by the sudden news. Then, at the mat, Caite said, “Gra-ta-ta-ta-ta-ah. Grazie.” To the Frenchman. She hoped, as she usually did anytime something fell out of her mouth, that nobody would notice.

 Miraculously, both dumb teams were safe this week because Heidi and Joe were deaf when it came to morse code. At this point, they’re counting on miracles.

On two hours of Tool Academy 3,

We began with Tool Torture Week, forcing the tools to watch their girls get fake-married with actors and most of them just couldn’t handle it.

SheanderTool whined of her tool, “Can security please come get him?”

while Kevin told the groom, “I’ll go to jail tonight.”

Jordan, Boyband Tool said he would give up his guilty pleasures for the sake of his relationship. “I don’t need the tanning. I don’t need to be eating every two hours.”

Yet Courtney, Lady-Lovin’ Tool, was told she was just a tool for being desperate and pathetic non-stop. And her girlfriend left her. So she tried her hand at being romantic by chasing after the limo.

Kevin’s wife said, “Courtney took off like a rabbit. No. A rabbit is fast. Courtney took off like a dog with three legs. So it was kinda like trying to hurry up but can’t get there.”

Then the tools were challenged with maturing. Unfortunately, Jennavecia didn’t even understand the meaning of the word.

“Oh wait. The least mature means like the most mature. Right?”

“Uh, no.” Says thick boyfriend, Kyle.

Then Angelo and Neander Tool proved their immaturity (was that the word she was searching for?) by getting into a fight over nothing.

Angelo said: “I’m not staying away from nobody.”

Neander Tool said: “I don’t see you!”

Then Tommy, Loony Tool’s girl left him, telling him he had a drinking problem that she had somehow never noticed and there was still an elimination. Any narration, Neander tool?

“When I walk in I automatically know somebody’s going home.” Yes. Good observation.

Jordan needed to fart. Very bad. But he was fearing the consequences of Maturity Week. He tried to stifle it. But it didn’t work. *fart*

Jordan was told he was just a tool. No tool will ever fart in front of the host and phony therapist again.

In the limo, with his girl, Jordan announced, “I’m hungry.”

On Gossip Girl,

Chuck confessed that his father had told him that kids wore suits to kindergarten which explains a lot!

The line, “More drinks first.” is the precursor to the entire show.

Everyone’s attitude screams, “Sorry, Nate.” Every episode, all episode long. Too out-of-the-loop and simple for his own good.

Just when it seemed like it wasn’t a half-bad episode – things were progressing with Dan and Vanessa, of all characters! – the featured music was OneRepublic. Bad call, Gossip Girl. There is always too much OneRepublic.

Mimi