To cut through a layer of this massive web, let’s revert to concise bullets:

• Blair had a chat with God who wants her to be a princess and leave Chuck alone
• We’ve located the real Charlie while Lily is still trying to tracking down the imposter
• Serena and Dan are back together and it’s only a matter of time before it’s more than just a ruse
• Blair lost the baby as a result of the car accident and the youth of this show was instantly revived
• The one change left unexplained is how the elites “took down” Gossip Girl
• Blair spends the least amount of time with Louis, yet swears she’s marrying him, and later ends up at Chuck’s apartment and with Dan at Vera Wang

The most interesting twist was that Nate, the new Gossip Girl, apparently has an X on his head. Throw in a guilty conscience and only the real Gossip Girl to help him and, well, that solidifies the name of the show. We weren’t about to tune into Serena’s Diary. 

This week’s “detective” theme was accompanied by a thrumming Zee Avi tune, proving that the music director finally woke up. The songs became a sort of muffled narrative throughout, providing us with all the words Blair couldn’t muster.  The art direction was also spot-on for this episode, set up most like the Audrey Hepburn intros – a style which is always welcome. Looks like Leslie Morgenstein has realized she has some tough competition – her other show in the same time block. Who will win viewership in a showdown between a snarky Gossip Girl and a sinister A?

Mimi

On the return of One Tree Hill, some sort of havoc was occurring and, as we traced it back, gentler outcomes were given. Everyone spent the day in bed and the short time in-between was only as long as, say, a crappy country song. Nice one, Chris Keller. Yes, Chris Keller is back for the final season. And Nathan thought Dan Scott was the worst of his problems.

 Nevertheless, we only had a brief moment to relish in the insult aimed at Alex Dupree before we were back in bed. Then she brought us the staple sexting fail, by really wearing the hell out of a piece of paper.

The writers are clearly trying to fight Brooke and Julian just being another set of boring parents, but c’mon. Jamie wasn’t an end to the fun; except that Peyton and Lucas left soon after he arrived…Also, does anyone else think it’s a bit odd that Brulian’s twin boys look nothing alike?

And that other mind-numbingly dull couple is still on the show. There’s nothing to say about the them. 

The real question is, will Dan Scott have mellowed and will Nathan become comfortable with him living with them, or will he be overwhelmed by the intense voice in his head shouting, “Kill, kill, kill!” ?

Mimi 

Miraculously, Spencer decided against taking any/all weapons when headed to meet their stalker at long last. Their cunning plans fall apart, Emily ends up getting the beating of her life, (which she quickly recovers from) and the girls are left with no evidence and no audience.

The most surprising twist was Ezra confessing his relationship with Aria to her parents…Which they didn’t take too well. Every viewer could have presumed as much, if only considering both the Montgomery parents are teachers. At least Ezra’s ex no longer has anything over him, as he exhaustedly pours himself another drink and tells her, “Get out, Jackie.” So what will be the future of Ezria, crazy fanfic diehards?

Mimi

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To recap 2011, pop music shamelessly dominated the music scene.  Between the sudden dance party of Foster The People, the omnipresent Bruno Mars, and the ear-rape return of Maroon 5, it was inescapable. Let’s cut to the chase. There is one goddess of power pop, bringing us another round of the Teenage Dream and single-handedly boosting sales of cupcakes worldwide.

Tying Michael Jackson’s long-standing record, with five #1 singles off one album, is it any surprise that Katy Perry would win MTV Artist of the Year? She took us on a tour through the seven levels of the candy cane forest, so I don’t think so.

Likewise, it would take the one and only She-Wolf, Latina Columbian Goddess Shakira to bring us a song as infectious as Rabiosa. Whether in her gumball-filled bathtub or somewhere south of the North Pole, this mocha song made many a fan want to bite her en la boca. Also not surprisingly, this became an internet sensation with more than one hundred million views.

This year, Nicki Minaj made sure that absolutely everyone got that Supa Bass. Aspiring bubblegum pop stars should take a pointer from the diva - get a British child to sing your obscenity-laced ghetto princess code and you’ll move to the candy-striped HOV lane. And let’s up the video views to 200,000,000+.

Finally, thanks in part to the recent Jersey Shore culture, LMFAO dominated the clubs this year with jams like Party Rock Anthem. With a title like that the fro’d duo were already golden. Throw in their outfits and once again, golden. Then, a skewed sense of confidence; well, everyone has that these days! With 300,000,000+ online views, these two goons held the keys to the Gingerbread Haus, a place for garish metallics and hipsters alike. The doors are open. Embrace the pop. Every day I’m shufflin’.

Mimi

One highlight was the Weekend Update Joke-Off: deskmates Tina Fey & Jimmy vs. Amy Poehler & Seth Meyers, reminding us of all the chemistry and splendor this segment used to possess. Too bad all we have now is Vanessa Bayer’s shark teeth. Another highlight was a mirror, mirror scene fabulously mimicking the classic with Mick Jagger. And lastly was a parody of the broadway production War Horse, where Jimmy played the role of the horse. With great hosts one right after another, as with Katy Perry’s dedication last week, we appreciate our gift, Lorne. Merry Christmas indeed.

Mimi

 On GOSSIP GIRL, Charlie Rhodes/Ivy Dickens is supposed to fear her less-than-intimidating ex Max, as he teams up with Nate’s scorned cousin/public figure, Tripp. For the time being Serena is pining after Dan Humphrey yet again; a character pairing you know as well as I that we’ve thoroughly exhausted. 

The episode came to a close when Blair chose Chuck over Louis and the two escaped together, but were chased by vicious paparazzi who ran them off the road - in laughable scooters, no less. Reminiscent of the time Serena was in a car accident, hmm? If GG is determined to hire new writers, they should at least be given a run-down of previous episodes.

In conclusion, we’re supposed to believe that Chuck Bass dies.

Over on 90210, the girl from the sorority who hated Naomi hates her again and no one can really blame her, Dixon and Adrianna have a simple little relationship and all their worries were quickly sung away, and Navid choked up around the wrong thugs. Then Annie and Liam “kinda hooked up”, Navid was in the hospital next to B. Waldorf’s room and Silver jumped to her own conclusions, therefore taking on her lover’s child.

Meanwhile, Naomi’s boyfriend cheated with her nemesis and Liam was madly searching for Annie, hoping she wasn’t selling her body to her old man friend, when he got hit on his motorcycle by a girl with a striking resemblence to Arielle Kebbel. 

So watch out for frequent hit-and-runs this holiday season, kids. I’m sure there’s a PSA in this somewhere. 

Mimi

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1. He’s modest. With few recurring characters and even fewers lines, Paul Brittain is overjoyed to be included and stacks every building block he’s given into a castle of comedic genius. For quite a while, Paul also had a modest following on Twitter of only a few hundred; proving how underground the comic really is. I always thought a successful SNL retiree like Jimmy Fallon (with 4.5 million followers) should have started a campaign for the guy but now Paul has moved up in the world – 2,000 followers! [https://twitter.com/#!/paulbrittain3]

2. He’s small. It’s true that good things come in small packages, that baby animals are much cuter than full-grown, and who doesn’t like a quick-witted child? Paul brought us all of this! He’s small, great, and definitely manages to hold his own next to the rest of the average-sized adults!

3.  This. Lord Wyndemere. At the first “I want sweets!” we were sold.

saturday-night-live-wyndemere

Mimi

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And it would have been so easy to make a smart move and feature The Black Keys‘ first single off their forthcoming album El Camino. Lonely Boy offers all the female vocals and soul you ask for from Fitz. But no, let’s spotlight stale R&B as opposed to time-sensitive current music your viewers actually crave.

Follow that up with Gossip Girl narrating the scenes with sad, out-of-date music references and, well, now you’re just flaunting your flaws.

Serena was overly-bronzed and too blown out and, once again, they dressed the blondes in layers of gold and sequins.

Meanwhile, Chuck showed up at Blair’s house after she fled his therapy session on which she had, of course, been sitting in. This necessitated following Ms. Waldorf’s theatrical show from room to room, grilling her for sweet truths. Oh, what a touching reunion.

On the lowlight of the show, Dan and his agent fooled around in the wonders of Twitter, reminding you of every news anchor as of late and your grandma. Keeping up with the holidays, I see.

And how will we bid adieu to our Gossip Girl viewers until next week? Let’s tie it up with a red-and-white striped bow! They’ll love some juicy, predictable line about being a Rhodes. There ya go.

Wake up, writers! This is not a drama you can just phone in from last season’s wardrobe, the first season’s theme episodes and weak, mainstream, been-there-done-that music.

Mimi

Just seven short years ago, the anonymous, satirical Joel-Shmo Joel McHale was quietly hosting his sharp entertainment show THE SOUP on E! network. He was content with his cult following, limited budget, uninspiring interns and admitted (or modestly disregarded) embarrassing paycheck.

Then you told your friends about THE SOUP; about the smartest weave remark he made about everyone’s most hated talk show quack. Your friends’ moms’ couldn’t believe how this relative nobody was speaking his mind. Hell, he was speaking for a vast majority of the country. He was a man of the people. Then a YouTube video of his latest bit circulated around your workplace. You followed him on Twitter. And then E! began airing the show four times a day. The Joel McHale Effect.

The Joel McHale Effect. When a person becomes so relatable, savvy, and/or charming that not only do you want to listen to him burn well-known Hollywood villains for their wrongdoings but you would also like to take him out for a beer. After all, he has proven he is a man of the people.

Things started changing. Bigger, more powerful heads turned. Influential persuasion of three well-known letters and he was in. This alpha male was getting his own sitcom on a leading network. NBC beat E! three to one in letters.

And here’s the tricky part. With his very own show, (ranking above Chevy Chase, no less) this man would now have to make appearances on talk shows to promote it. Sitting face-to-face and shaking hands with the very individuals he had been mocking for years. And millions of viewers seemed to think he did a bang-up job of pinpointing their flaws. These hosts were not exactly pleased to be meeting their devil. And Joel, with all his charm, breezed in and convinced them that they were in on the joke.

So what now? Is he still our fearless leader or has he gone soft? Sure, THE SOUP still airs at its normal time, with its lacking budget and uninspiring interns but the host just starred in Spy Kids 4. He wears a thick layer of magenta lipstick for every episode of Community. The Kardashians are a welcome interruption to his facetious monologue. He sang at the Emmys.

This can hardly be the same guy. Joel was the typical bitter outsider and after years of taunting his specimens, they invited him to the “cool table” in the cafeteria! And, on top of that, it’s hardly fair. Most of America sits at home watching the latest TV drivel and for once they had a voice. But now that voice has faded into the wispy tones of the rest of Hollywood. Why should this McHale go on leading a happy personal life like the rest of us while also experiencing fame and fortune? Patterns show that starlets’ lives fall apart faster than a house hit by a hurricane. But certainly not our man of the people.

This proves, if nothing else, that once your face makes it onto our screens, you are our newest, most brilliant god. We will listen and obey and take your satire as scripture. The blinded attention given solely to you for twenty-four minutes of our day turns into a +Follow which then turns into forking over $11.50 at the box office to see some painful movie about adolescent spies.

This spoof commercial was part of McHale’s earliest work on Seattle’s own Saturday Night Live of sorts, ALMOST LIVE! If his initial ambitions were to bring sarcastic and deadpan humor to the masses, 15 years later he has done just that.

Mimi