On the series premiere of Kendra, ex-playboy bunny Kendra Wilkinson gave us an hour-long demonstration of just how dumb she really is. First, she went grocery shopping for the first time and got confused by Rice-a-Roni’s obvious Mexican origin, then broke a dozen eggs in her kitchen and scooped up the mess in two plastic cups – Omigod!
Kendra’s new house is missing all furniture and accessories, replaced instead by big piles of clothes and garbage, but her main concern is first installing a stripper pole in the living room. Her “plan” is “to become a master on the pole.” Well, yeah, isn’t that everyone’s plan? Party planner, handbag designer, master on the pole; it’s kind of a given.
All of a sudden – hello! – Kendra has a roommate in her gigantic new house, named Amber. Kendra said “I invited Amber to live with me because she’s a character…She’s a big character.” You mean like Betty Boop?
Kendra’s mom convinces her to throw a house-warming party in her empty, un-party-friendly house specifically to get free stuff. And a party is not a party without Stacy and Roy; The Wack Pack or else it would be totally “cricket-cricket.” Huhhuhuh.
Let me clarify, I am not making this up. With a show like Kendra, I will never have to ad-lib.
Kendra got some awesome house-warming gifts and everything was worthy of an Omigod! “Omigod toilet paper!” “Omigod I love Cheez-its!” Omigod, Brian!”
Kendra’s fiance, Hank, was finally about to check out her new house but she still had “so much to do.” Kendra’s definition of “so much to do” was pulling a heap of clothes out of a box and shoving it all back in; whine, repeat.
Hank didn’t seem to approve of her messiness or her skankiness but when they were together you could definitely see the connection. “Nyahaha! I almost kicked you in the head.”
Finally, at the end of the hour when I’m sure every viewer who was left strictly meant they had “lucked out” in a game of forced-Kendra-watching Russian Roulette, Kendra went to a wedding cake-tasting/dress-fitting. She wiped her finger in the icing of a perfect show cake – Omigod! Uhahahaha! – and was surprised when they asked if she wanted to try on the dresses. She glanced between her sticky finger and the smeared cake and said Well, I was basically just here for this. Still, to please them, she did try on dresses. Her one and only preference was “I like my dress white.”
Alas, a girl like Kendra is easy to please. Give her strange, foreign Rice-a-Roni; toilet paper; Cheez-its or…Brian, and she will Omigod and happily accept.
Mimi
