Will the King of Pop Reign on After Death?

At 2:26 PST, Michael Jackson was pronounced dead of cardiac arrest, sending the media into a downward tailspin and overshadowing the end of Farrah Fawcett’s life and battle this morning. After all the rumors, accusations and drama that followed Jackson for a good portion of his reign, a nation has plummeted deep into mourning. One of the first stars to come to his defense was Al Sharpton, praising him for every ounce of talent he possessed.

This has sent the internet into a flurry of action, searches and posts; second only to the traffic following Barack Obama winning the presidential election. All in the past two or so hours.

Jackson was noted for having supported more charities than any other celebrity, coming in at 39, whether he was completely devoted to every one of them or not. Would he come to mind before, say, Bono playing the role of musician/activist? I think not.

Whatever opinions the general public held toward the King of Pop at this point has been muted out with sadness and a consistent replaying of the Thriller video. Hypocritical, maybe. But this is a day everyone will remember for a long time. Internet history second to that of the president, so even on his last day he was still causing a stir.

Michael Jackson was scheduled to begin a circuit of 50 concerts, beginning with the O2 arena in London next month. His life ending at 50, we will never know if this was destined to be his comeback tour.

Mimi

Tumbleweaves, Aliens, and a UFO-jet

Kendra-

This week, Hank endured Kendra in road trip-mode. Sorry Hank. She was excited by just about everything around them, foreign or not. “Those big balls…those uh…big balls…what are they called? Tumbleweaves?” and “Look! Jets! a UFO-jet!” were some of her best observations.

Oh, and occasionally she’ll start sentences with “I was just sitting there smoking a cigar…” Kendra was just sitting there smoking a cigar? Bet the ash gets stuck in her always-amusing food-catcher boobs, too.

On second thought (nope, actually Kendra requires no thought), it doesn’t take much to amuse Hank or herself; cricket cricket. Hank found spitting toothpaste into the same bottle as Kendra was especially romantic. Just wait until he sees her when she’s not trying to be refined.

They visited the official-sounding-but-maybe-not-quite-official Roswell Alien museum and this was Kendra’s special take on alien existence.

Kendra’s featured quote of the week: Oh, I, I, I totally believe that. I totally believe that there’s. Other life out there. It’s one hunder per-I. There is, y’know?

Ah! Gems of wisdom just fall from Kendra’s mouth.

While Kendra was away, Amber got nervous being home alone and unimportant friend, Brittany, took her to a shooting range. Unfortunately, Brittany got stuck in Amber’s killer boobs and suffocated. Amber learned that she had mad fire-arm skillz, taking them home with her. Minus an actual gun, of course. She felt much safer.

Nearing the end of the trip, Kendra had fun playing on a slide at Bedrock, “Wheeeeee!!! Ow!” Well, mostly. And then she mistook a small rock for the Grand Canyon. Eeehehehehe!

How can a reality show be based on such a poster girl for normality?

Mimi

I Don’t Hate Kate But

I‘ve been watching Jon and Kate Plus Eight as long as it’s been on, 3 years or so, not including the initial specials. Let me first say I don’t agree with the media’s spin on things and sudden entitlement to narrate their lives and stalk them 24/7. I’m only giving my view once.

In the very beginning, “Jon worked in IT and Kate quit her job as a nurse to stay home with the kids.” They started off in a tiny house, scraping by and relying on friends, neighbors and even complete strangers to donate what they needed to supply for their sextuplets. Kate had no interest in her appearance, let alone a fashion sense, and Jon still felt like a normal dude.

Four years later, Kate is self-indulgent, completely obsessed with her looks  and blinded by her fame, money, fans, and sacred book tours. Jon has quit his job, without reason to work anymore thanks to the millions the show has made, bought himself a sportscar, and dresses in Ed Hardy. They have isolated themselves and their kids from close friends and family.

We’ve all seen Kate torment, berate and insult Jon for years to usually no reaction. He is “proud of himself” for finally standing up to her and she plays the victim in most of the newer episodes, hoping someone will take her side and feel bad for her.

Season Five was one of the worst agreements to date. The show is not about the kids anymore, it is about the drama of Jon and Kate doing interviews at seperate times. This decision was irresponsible, greedy and, yes, probably Kate’s idea.

Although, I’m sure TLC was great at convincing them. TLC has become very exploitative, stomping all over their show-airing rights for Jon and Kate in particular.

So when they announced on the show last night that they were seperating it didn’t come as a surprise. Kate swears it has nothing to do with the show but if she actually listened to Jon she could see that it has everything to do with the show.

Admitting their seperation to the world has torn up Kate but Jon said “I’m sad but excited” so there must be some happy ending within this. Maybe the one Kate is searching for will go to Jon instead.

There are reports that Jon is looking for an apartment in NYC where he will be working again but none of where Kate will stay when she’s not at home; “the kids’ home”, as they’ve dubbed it. Yes, you are rather outnumbered.

The enjoyment has been sucked from this show altogether and I don’t think so much of their kids’ lives should have ever made it to our living rooms. Family memories are not something the rest of the country should share with you.

If fame was what Kate really wanted, she has it now; becoming a household name in the worst way. Jon wanted to end the show, she didn’t listen, and it turned out like this.

The best thing that could happen would be a hasty end to the show, both of them truly putting the kids first and letting them lead next-to-normal lives until the tabloids lose interest and everyone forgets the conjoined name of Jon-and-Kate. Jon sounded way too happy to be free so I doubt there’s any chance of mending their marriage but hopefully they will decide soon when enough is enough.

Mimi

It’s the End of the World, Cappie

On the season finale of Greek, it was the KT’s End of the World party, where Casey made the moves on Cappie, Dale’s woman made the moves on him while he made the moves on Calvin and Calvin finally made the moves on his roommate. That’s a lot of the same moves.

Cappie turned down Casey and she promptly broke up with Max. Ashley made Frannie realize how pathetic she’s always been and then Frannie basically said she was leaving the show. The direct results from these parts were very win-win.

Casey pouted and Cappie drank on the roof, alone, until Ashley sat down next to him and said, over the noise of the party, ”It’s the end of the world, Cappie. What are you gonna do?”

Then it ended!!! What did he do?! It’s about time Cappie & Casey were together again or else this whole past season was a complete waste!

Over on Kendra…

(*sigh* No, it hasn’t been cancelled yet.)

The episode started off with Kendra doing an ad or something for Dave and Buster’s; she was distracted by the noises and colors and made the lispy comment of “Forget clotheth! I wanna play video gameth!” She left the shoot in her lingerie, horrifying the prudish assistants and gradually fading into the Go, Kendra! theme song.

The next random thing Kendra did was play basketball with Hank at a charity event, where she was ready to “basket him!” ? He got his football number on his jersey and Kendra, suitably enough, didn’t get a number. Then she talked smack about how great she was at every single sport and “was so unbarassed b’cause I couldn’t make one shot during practice.” Go figure, Kendra! Her teammates hated her and Hank’s team won anyway. Yeah, you really showed him. Mwahahaha!

Filling up the rest of the half hour time slot, Kendra met Hank’s parents out in the countryside of NM. She obsessed about the cows and finally, much to the cow’s apparent dismay, got to milk one.

Kendra’s featured quote of the week: I always thought if you milked a cow long enough other stuff would come out. I was wrong. It’s only milk.

That’s what the Girls Next Door viewers thought of you, Kendra! What a coincidence!

Mimi

I Knew Kendra Was Special But…

On the series premiere of Kendra, ex-playboy bunny Kendra Wilkinson gave us an hour-long demonstration of just how dumb she really is. First, she went grocery shopping for the first time and got confused by Rice-a-Roni’s obvious Mexican origin, then broke a dozen eggs in her kitchen and scooped up the mess in two plastic cups – Omigod!

Kendra’s new house is missing all furniture and accessories, replaced instead by big piles of clothes and garbage, but her main concern is first installing a stripper pole in the living room. Her “plan” is “to become a master on the pole.” Well, yeah, isn’t that everyone’s plan? Party planner, handbag designer, master on the pole; it’s kind of a given.

All of a sudden – hello! – Kendra has a roommate in her gigantic new house, named Amber. Kendra said “I invited Amber to live with me because she’s a character…She’s a big character.” You mean like Betty Boop?

Kendra’s mom convinces her to throw a house-warming party in her empty, un-party-friendly house specifically to get free stuff. And a party is not a party without Stacy and Roy; The Wack Pack or else it would be totally “cricket-cricket.” Huhhuhuh.

Let me clarify, I am not making this up. With a show like Kendra, I will never have to ad-lib.

Kendra got some awesome house-warming gifts and everything was worthy of an Omigod! “Omigod toilet paper!” “Omigod I love Cheez-its!” Omigod, Brian!”

Kendra’s fiance, Hank, was finally about to check out her new house but she still had “so much to do.” Kendra’s definition of “so much to do” was pulling a heap of clothes out of a box and shoving it all back in; whine, repeat.

Hank didn’t seem to approve of her messiness or her skankiness but when they were together you could definitely see the connection. “Nyahaha! I almost kicked you in the head.”

Finally, at the end of the hour when I’m sure every viewer who was left strictly meant they had “lucked out” in a game of forced-Kendra-watching Russian Roulette, Kendra went to a wedding cake-tasting/dress-fitting. She wiped her finger in the icing of a perfect show cake – Omigod! Uhahahaha! – and was surprised when they asked if she wanted to try on the dresses. She glanced between her sticky finger and the smeared cake and said Well, I was basically just here for this. Still, to please them, she did try on dresses. Her one and only preference was “I like my dress white.”

Alas, a girl like Kendra is easy to please. Give her strange, foreign Rice-a-Roni; toilet paper; Cheez-its or…Brian, and she will Omigod and happily accept.

Mimi

You Match!

On the season finale of The Hills, Heidi immediately rambled off all the unrealistic things she wanted at her wedding to Special-Ed Pratt, who tried to absorb this information and make sense out of it, of course, failing. Give her some metallic pens, on the other hand, and she’ll get right on that.

“I want jewels, diamonds dripping, (?) and my dress is very, like, swan-princess-esque so, like, I want real swans there.”

“And you want, like, a lot of flowers?” Special-Ed checks, not making any notes. Told you that was her specialty.

“A lot of flowers, all up the aisles (?), all over the altzer (that’s a new one!) I want it to be like a gggarden.”

“What kind of cake?”

“Like white chocolate mousse truffle vanilla, y’know with the berries in it.” She grins and nods her empty head.

“You just named, like, so many flavors.” Special-Ed says, blinking, crossing and uncrossing her eyes. That’s when you can tell she’s about to shut down.

Yeah, you know; licorice-tangerine-peppermint soul-sucking flavor. That’s what I want.

Y’know, for a wedding you supposedly put so much thought into, turns out you really didn’t put all that much thought into it. Guess you thought it would never happen.

Special Pratt would, in all her expertise, wisdom, and many years of former party planning order a dozen daisies, a Big Bird Happy 3rd Birthday Sheet Cake and a goofy clown.

“Maid of honor?” Special asks, visibly crossing her fingers in the air and chanting “please me. please me.”

“Holly.” Heidi answers, watching her deflate, “Just because she’s been my sister, y’know, my whole life.” ‘Good answer! Good answer!‘ Family Feud contestants cheer her on in her mind.

*Special-Ed Pratt punches Heidi in her alligator-jaw*

The best thing Heidi has to say at her bachelorette party is, brace yourselves, “I said to Spencer ’til death do us part, so buddy if that’s how you’re going…” I knew it!

The dinner rehearsal was a disaster since Holly decided to get wasted on champagne or whatever it was she smuggled in her unstained purse. Spencer’s sister, Stephanie, there, I’ll say her name once, gave a very sweet toast and Holly thought she had to chime in.

“Ching-ching-ching.” Dumb, drunken speech a-coming! Then she throws food and stalks off. Her mommy goes to console her. *burble-burble* *hate making Spencer look polite and refined*

She met with Heidi for lunch the next day and would’ve been better off if she’d said “So what were you up last night? I think I downed some Boones and passed out on the couch. Or something.”

On the day of the wedding, yes, the actual real-live wedding, the church was definitely halfed into Evil and non-Evil sides. Stacie, “the bartender”? Evil side. Justin Bobby? Evil side. Kristen Cavallari? Right over here next to Justin on the Evil side.

As soon as Lauren took a seat next to Lo, she pointed out that Kristen was there, happily adding “You match!” Ah, that’s what friends are for.

And just when you thought it would be overlooked, it was addressed. Will the congregation, both Evil and non-Evil sides, please stand?

Spencer and Heidi (for the record Heidi, in her own words = goddess/princess/special person, got it?) went out to their people for just a little more added attention and Kristen Cavallari stole that by saying she needed a man and catching the bouqet.

Lauren left through a back door straight to her limo, which was bigger than the just-married couple’s, away from the attention-crazed reality stars and away from the show altogether.

The 2009 MTV Movie Awards Breakdown-

Tweener vampire flick Twilight won basically everything which was totally coincidental since the entire audience was made up of Twilight cast members! They were very appreciative; for example, we watched in slow-mo as Kristen Stewart threw her award on the floor and fled in a stoned stupor.

Eminem made a scene after being involved, and obviously not told beforehand, in a dumb mid-show skit where he got Sacha Baron Cohen balls-in-the-face. His four of five gigantic bodyguards took care of Sacha and Eminem stormed off, drama-queen-style as always.

Leighton accepted her farting habit. Man up, outdated white’n'nerdy boy.

Megan Fox also refused to play along with any jokes but that was on account of her lacking a personality and, along with it, a sense of humor.

Vanessa Hudgens was acknowledged for her “brave documentary of an all-gay high school” Triumph the insult-dog called Ben Stiller an ape, Anna Faris swore loudly when Jim Carrey won her award, and the music portion of the night carried on.

There was a well-orchestrated and, well, orchestrated collaboration of Adam Sandwich, er, Andy Samberg’s “classics” which unfortunately, meant no Motherlovers.

Kings of Leon performed Use Somebody but I was miffed that there wasn’t enough of the cutie of the band, bassist Jared, and once again couldn’t look Caleb in the eye. OK, no one can.

Andy did his best keeping everything under control but how can you truly control so many egos in one room?

Wait until Eminem leaves.

Mimi