It’s Like a Hate and Love Relationship

Slut-alert exploded mid-episode on The Hills Monday night. Remember Audrina’s brilliant idea to crash the boys’ Hawaii vacation? Well, she got her way…right into bed with Brody. He resisted her for a few hours but finally gave in and cheated on his uninvited girlfriend, Jayde. Upon admitting this to his, er, homies, he didn’t sound remorseful at all and they sort of congratulated him for it. What kind of rules do these people play by?!

The next morning, Lauren and Lo sat around whispering about “Audrina in Brody’s room” before waking Stephanie, who encouraged Audrina to go after him in the first place. Audrina popped her head in to join the conversation and they were somewhat proud of her. What? No! You’re horrible, unethical  people!

When one of the girls mentions Jayde -yeah, remember her?- Audrina says “Let her come after me. Like start a war. Whatever.” Is she so delusional as to believe Brody’s her man? No, Audrina, he’s not. It was basically the one-night-stand that doesn’t go away.

Once Stephanie asked Audrina about Justin she responded “It’s like a hate and love relationship.” Almost… But no. You were so close. If only you were smart enough to think before speaking. Oh, what am I saying? Audrina Patridge, you have such a way with words!

Mimi

You Want Me to Burp You?

Ah, the return of Justin Bobby!

Lauren, Audrina, Brody, his girlfriend Jayde, Lo and Frankie are all out clubbing when their dirtiest friend shows up.

“Read my lips,” Lauren says to Audrina, “Justin is here.”

“What?”

“Read my lips” totally worked.

His character-relation in this show is beginning to confuse the producers. JUSTIN, AUDRINA’S BOYFRIEND?/EX-BOYFRIEND/DRIFTER 

He shows up and approaches Audrina after she throws a cup at his head and asks if she wants him to burp her. Pretty normal for his standards.

He leaves and Brody thinks he needs to get involved, so he snuggles up next to Audrina and tells her she’s beautiful when Jayde really wants to dangle on his head and grab his “junk” some more.

The next time they’re out (including Stephanie, and Brody didn’t make her cry this time!) the drifter shows up again and Audrina is feeling distressed, looking around for someone to console her since she needs constant consoling. Sleazy-T! Sleazy-T is definitely the person I would go to for advice. Definitely.

By the end of the episode, Audrina decides the girls should crash the boys’ Hawaii trip so she can be closer to Brody, Jayde’s man, without inviting Jayde along, too. *slut alert* Great idea, Audrina. *slut alert* That won’t cause any trouble. *slut alert* You couldn’t possibly want trouble, could you? *slut alert* Be quiet, slut alert!

I guess we’ll just have to see how that plays out and if Audrina can really bring it or not.

Mimi

Tinted Windows Debut

Tinted Windows released their debut album today and I think we’ll all be satisfied with the results. First, I noticed the insurmountable diversity in songs with three obviously completely different people writing. Everyone has their place in this band and everyone has a voice. Possibly in more ways than one! Lead vocals appear to be guitars. I’ve never heard such a powerful, precise sound from lead guitar like this before; at least not quite this consistantly. It fits in so naturally in the songs, as well, for example the lyrics “We got something. We got *guitars*” sounds like a feeling or a missing word replaced with an instrument. Maybe it’s just the undescribeable spark they’ve created since forming.

There are so many fantastic differences within this album, between the dramatic love song Dead Serious and the angst-ridden Nothing to Me. Back with You is about making sacrifices while Take Me Back is a desperate, irritated apology. One connection through all the songs are some of the best beats I’ve heard in a long time, thanks to a great drummer and dueling guitars.

Can’t Get a Read on You is a toe-tapping/humming/thrashing-even-if-you’re-not-trying-to-pay-attention sort of song and I think we’ll be referring to our significant other as our Cha Cha long after the song has died 0ut.

From the dominating drumline in Kind of a Girl -the tune that’s been stuck in our heads for months- to the completely infectious chorus to Messing With My Head to taking a chance on a couple words, Tinted Windows is proving their place early on in the music world.

Mimi

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Do You Own Pants?

On this week’s episode of The Hills, Heidi confronted Spencer and his other woman, showing just how different this season is from the last. Let’s review. Last season they played around with the getting-married-but-oh-wait-maybe-not-getting-married-Mexico-was-so-much-cooler limbo with Spencer acting fake-sweet and saying everything would be done Heidi’s way. I’m going out on a limb here but I don’t think Spencer openly cheating on her was what she had in mind.

So Heidi and Stephanie tracked him down, Stephanie asked the innocent bartemptress Stacie if she owned any pants, Stacie retaliated by calling her a dog, Spencer encouraged it and Heidi was still hoping that, deep down, he was a decent person. Seriously, good luck with that. Oh, yeah, and Charlie got involved.

Charlie appears to be some 30-year-old high school-dropout, coke dealer who thinks he’s pimpin’ and his only talent is rhyming. Yes, he’s a perfect match to Spencer; their profiles must have really lined up on eHarmony!

Stephanie calls Bartemptress Stacie a homewrecker. She and Heidi go home to sleep off their night. They wake up and Stephanie says “I called her a homewrecker.” Heidi says “I know.” What a waste of film!!!

At the same time, Lauren was trying to get Stephanie a job at People’s Revolution and she shows up with a laughable resume and an unattainable “dream.” “My final objective in life is to have a handbag line.” Let’s review. Stephanie/Simpleton Pratt is the same girl who thinks hamsters and Guinea pigs are the same thing. Not so surprising.

Then, for some reason, Heidi agrees to meet Spencer for lunch (for once this isn’t brought up in lackluster conversations three times before it actually occurs in the pre-assigned half-hour time-block) and tells him they need to go to therapy, like Stephanie suggested. Oh wise, animal-confused girl! Not only will he never answer her questions about Stacie but his very first rebuttal is “You act like taking shots is kissing someone!” It is to Heidi. There is nothing more sacred to Heidi than taking shots.

Mimi

Let Me Cry on You on Your Birthday

The main theme of The Hills’ Season Premiere last night was that Heidi crashed Lauren’s birthday party after their awkward exchange at the Bolthouse party where Heidi whimpered and Lauren didn’t cave. When she figured this was a bad idea and wanted to leave the birthday party, she sort of forgot that it was on a yacht in the middle of the water and boats don’t dock as soon as you say you “wanna get off the boat.” The other reason she wanted to leave was because she found out that Spencer was flirting with a bartender on his Guy’s Night Out (guys = Spencer, Charlie, and “Stacie”) so instead she called him and interrogated him with her most favorite question of all: “Are you taking shots?” Lauren’s party was really all about Heidi/Stephanie/Spencer/Cameron, so job well done!

Besides consoling Heidi, Lauren whined and threw a fit over Frankie blowing out the candles on her birthday cake…at her birthday. Seriously, grow up.

So the Heidi/Spencer mess turned into Spencer “beating up” Cameron for telling Stephanie who, in turn, told Heidi what he was doing.  By initiating the “fight” Spencer told Cameron (and I quote) “Touch me. Touch me. Just touch me. Touch me, dawg.” *sissy-slap, sissy slap*

Oh! Spencer swings both ways? That makes so much sense!

On the second episode, Heidi tracked down Spencer’s bartender-friend who told Heidi that she wouldn’t put up with a boyfriend who acted the way Spencer had acted. About ten minutes later, she told Spencer that his crazy girlfriend came in asking about him.

Now let’s throw a slutty, two-faced bartendette into the mix? Um, why, Hills producers? What bait did they leave out to catch them a Spencer, anyway? A Gameboy? The smell of desperation? His Nana?

Heidi left for Colorado, as expected; it’s like her automatic fetal position, where Heidi’s (hopeful) mom thought it would be funny to replace Spencer with Heidi’s ex, Colby, and hoped she wouldn’t notice the difference. She did.

Meanwhile, Spencer called on Brody, describing the secret bartender/Heidi showdown as “bananas, homie.” Who speaks like that?! Brody told him to spread his wings, go clubbing, pick up as many girls as he wanted; get away from Heidi. Spencer’s thinking “Thanks, man.” Anyone watching is thinking “Brody gives terrible advice!”

The whole time, I was thinking how Spencer was taking over in Justin Bobby’s sleazy ways but was unsure if he could match the competition. By the end of the night I realized “Huh. I guess you actually can fill Justin Bobby’s shoes!”

Mimi

Rude Toddlers and Life-Sized Peeps

So it’s been almost a year and if you thought you could escape SNL’s country singers and their songs about spaceships, jars of beer, model-T cars and toddlers you were sadly mistaken. I thought it was dead and buried, too, but apparently not. Not much has changed in their songs, although now the toddlers are rude. In one Easter-themed song a toddler flipped them the bird and a giant marshmallow Peep came to life and told the toddler to say it was sorry (apology not accepted, toddler.) These skits are starting to make less and less sense.

Other highlights: Bill Hader doing a Gremlin voice, Peppermint Patty and Marcie from Peanuts pointing out that it was okay if they were exclusive by saying “it’s 2009!”, Andy Samberg showing up as Cathy; the character he’s best at, and nearly the entire cast dressing up in Muppets outfits for the last skit. So, yeah, it was dress-up week.

Mimi

Greek is the Language of…ABC Family Actually Having Viewers

Gossip Girl-

Well Chuck and Vanessa were basically the last ones holding out against each other; keyword were. 

Gossip Girl Love-Web: Nate’s been with Blair, Serena, Vanessa and Jenny. Chuck’s been with Blair, Jenny and now Vanessa. Dan’s been with Serena (Georgina) and Vanessa. Carter’s been with Blair and Serena. Noticing a pattern? Those sleazy, loose Upper East-Siders! If there were more than 10 people they wouldn’t have to deal with sloppy seconds so much.

OTH-

Show: OTH

Song: Where Love Went Wrong

Band: Augustana

This made my night!!! One Tree Hill is one of the only CW shows with decent music and now there are only 5 episodes left? Thanks. 

Greek News  Cappie News

Cappie, I mean, Greek is back in a flurry of Casey’s undecidedness, Rusty’s constant relocations, what seems like Rebecca’s betrayal and *ugh!* I’m sick of that Max guy. Cappie spending his whole summer watching Full House in its entirety and episodes of Jon and Kate + 8 just adds to his perfection. Jesse McCartney -yes, Rita, you were right- plays a character undecided between the competing fraternities but will in the end, undoubtedly choose Kappa Tau. And it seems the only women attracted to Dale are cougars. Huh.

Mimi