Serena, I’m Gay

On the return of Gossip Girl, everything seemed back to the same monotony (e.g., Blair and Miss Carr are feuding ten-year-olds, Nate and Vanessa feel too different but resolve things during the episode, not enough of a plotline for Jenny) until sleazebag Carter -C2- turned up again, this time preying on Blair. She was drunk and dramatic. He looks enough like Chuck. Ta-da! Drama.

I have one major, unanswered question: Why does Chuck Bass seem to not go to school with the rest of his classmates? They put on a senior play, Age of Innocence, and C is off with his random girl; trying to get her a fake passport and work around the secret society. Seriously, was he faking it all this time and he’s actually about 22?

One Tree Hill-

OTH, Stop acting like you’re taking Peyton away from us until you actually do! Painfully not-killing-off a main character? Not cool, OTH, not cool.

And suddenly Nate and Haley want to leave Tree Hill? Way to end a show like it was completely inevitable in the most unnatural sequence of events. SO NOT COOL, OTH!

If nothing else, we got to see that Chad Michael Murray and Hilarie Burton can at least act, and of course the Grandpa-Dan vs. Grandma-Deb showdown, followed immediately by Jamie holding the your-table-is-ready-light-up-vibrator and saying ”Grandpa. It’s time for you to get better.” Man, can that little kid deliver lines!

Mimi

I’ve Never Had…a Bed.

On the Tool Academy Class Reunion, everyone showed up to re-hash the season and, in some cases, still agree with their past behavior. Like Tommy, Stupid Tool, when asked what he thought of his childish chair-throwing tantrum said “I can pick up a sofa and everyone knows that now.”

By the end of the show, Shawn (Loud Mouth Tool) actually had three girlfriends, including gas-station-girl, who was his near-stranger baby mama. When Shawn was asked “Are you still a tool?” he glanced back and forth between his women and said, “I mean, yeah.”

As for Matsu, he was pronounced incurable as he tried, once again, to explain the Matsuflex Revolution.

The highlight of the reunion was getting to watch Krista leave Tommy and Tommy throw furniture again. Yes, Jenna, they even admitted they’re white trash. Oh, and Krista loooooves attention.

Cameron has more self-respect than the others and M.E.G.A. still has way more class than any of the others. (Margo didn’t show. She made up a family emergency and ignored a concerned M.E.G.A. for two weeks. Why was he ever with her??)

For some reason, at the end, Josh and Ashley were surprised by their promised prize money like it hadn’t been mentioned over and over again throughout the entire show.

Rob and Karine were absent… And Celebrity is still hungry.

On the Amazing Race 14, Luke had a brand-new experience on a sleeper train “I’ve never had an experience like this before…(sleeping on  a train)…having a bed.” Wow. After all the places they’ve travelled so far on the race, the one thing Luke wanted the most -besides being deceitful to win- was a bed?

Victor said “It’ll be a mad dash off this train.” And by “mad dash” he means he’s going to push everyone out of his way again.

Mimi

1st Year Anniversary!

This is my blog’s first birthday so it’s kind of a big deal. There are some awesome things that weren’t (officially) around this time a year ago like House Bunny, Tinted Windows, One Way Out with Jonathon Goodwin, and the Arby roast-burger…Wait, that last one was a horrible idea. But anyway I’m very excited by the popularity of southiejustinjustinsouth and thank you, the readers, for all your comments and diligently checking in every week, like my opinion means so much.

A blog is the perfect kind of baby because you can manage it and take care of it and check on it without it whining and spitting up on you.

And may I wish you a very happy birthday, Taylor.

Mimi

I’ve Had Enough of You!

The funniest part of Hell’s Kitchen last night didn’t have anything to do with the chef-hopefuls or Chef Ramsay. It was when Jean Phillipe went off on the party-planner for knocking the Bar Mitzvah birthday cake on the floor, partly as it looked a little like “JP”’s fault. “You say my name, I turn around, yea?” He shouts at the flamboyant man. “Well, let’s not make a scene!” He says, placing a hand on JP’s arm. “Stop touching me!” He shouts.

And that’s what it’s like to watch a little French man lose it.

And, as an extra-special treat, we got to watch Max’s grandma eat absolutely EVERYTHING! There’s nothing quite like watching a septuagenarian gum at her dinner time after time after time. Really, Hell’s Kitchen? You thought that was tasteful (pun kind of intended)?

That blundering idiot, Colleen, is gone so now we need another entertaining reason to watch the show. Reason: Jean Phillipe.

Mimi

Way to Ruin Tool Academy in the Last 10 Minutes

On the season finale of Tool Academy, the tools’ commitment to their girlfriends was tested by painting fences, of course. Matsu was only interested in winning and Jenna got frustrated. Josh and Ashley were pokey as usual but for once it paid off as they pointed out about a million times: We’ve won our first challenge that happens to be the last challenge. We’ve won our first challenge that happens to be the last challenge. We’ve won our first…yeah. They’re fun. So they got a fancy dinner with a classy white-and-red-wine mix and talked sexy (I think?) before the weird host separated them. Thank you!

And as it turned out…Josh “graduated” because he and Ashley only had mommy/daddy issues. Matsu bought himself a pimp ring and Jenna basically said “good enough” before they left the academy in second place. Then Josh proposed and the show gave them their own Vh1-style wedding – ew - with “a guy playing the harpoon”, cheesy pre-arranged vows, and exactly seven other people there – ew, ew, ew! - (including the guy with the harpoon, and no he didn’t escape from Jumanji.) What a wonderful fake wedding! I think if Matsuflex and Jenna knew what the finale really entailed they wouldn’t have wanted to win, anyway. I repeat; ew.

My Newest Guilty Pleasures

Nitro Circus is a show about rednecks doing stupid stunts on anything from bikes to boards to monster trucks to oh, I dunno, trikes and heelies. Said rednecks are Travis Pastrana and all of his thrill-seeking buddies (it’s produced by Johnny Knoxville; ‘nuf said.) Whether they’re playing real-live video games with Streetbike Tommy as their paintball target or just hanging out on the Slip’n'Bleed, this group goes to show that you really don’t have to grow up.

Important Things with Demetri Martin. *sigh*

I like this show. I’ve tried to fight it – really! It’s silly, simple, downright stupid, and mostly pointless but still cute and entertaining at the same time.

It’s not exactly prime-time TV at its finest- more like something you’d watch if the only other options were M*A*S*H, Hannah Montana, and 17 Kids and Counting.

I give in. You win for now, Demetri, but only ’cause you had me at ”wizards looking at mountains.”

Mimi

I’m Sock! Open the Door!

Late Night with Jimmy Fallon aired Monday, with fun new segments like Lick it For Ten and Slow-Jam the News. There was also the hilarious clip from “Space Train” a made-up Star Wars-esque movie with Jimmy and Robert de Niro, resembling the works of Craig Ferguson and reminding us that Lorne Michaels will always own Jimmy Fallon.

Reaper’s second season aired yesterday on the CW. Now, Reaper is possibly one of the most entertaining and unnoticed shows out there. It has some great personalities, fresh lines, not the greatest graphics, not the greatest plot, and not a huge budget… Still, it’s back for it’s second season so I guess that means it wasn’t cancelled! It begins with Sam, Sock, and Ben returning from a 2-mo.-long road trip to find they’ve been fired, evicted, and Sock has a step-sister. They all notice how hot she is but Sock told Ben “Shut your mouth. That’s my sister. I got dibs.”

I don’t imagine the show will become any more credited or noticed but at least it’s back. A TV world with Cappie and Sock is definitely one I could get used to…the ball’s in your court, Greek.

Mimi

Sounds Like a Protein Drink

On Hell’s Kitchen, Chef Ramsay’s stalker was sent home for being a terrible cook and lacking basic hygiene. Well, I mean, we watched him take his jacket off and walk out the doors but…he’s probably still hiding in the bushes, waiting for his man-lover to arrive the next morning.

On The Amazing Race (14) (14!?) (yes, 14), the brilliant lawyer/sibling team of Tammy and Victor hiked up a steep mountain for what seemed to be two or three hours, going with Victor’s “gut” (mental note: never listen to Victor’s gut again) and following some random white-and-red markers. Once the reached the top and looked around, Victor muttered how, yes, Tammy could make the next decision. “I can now make a decision since we’ve walked up the whole mountain?” She responded. He never apologized. Then again, Tammy didn’t know how to tumble.

 TAMMY/VICTOR

Siblings/lawyers

TAMMY/VICTOR

Mentally retarded

 

On Tool Academy, the tools’ relatives and girlfriends’ parents showed up to talk over their difficulties, like Aida’s sister Elmira and her silent no-name friend who both really disliked Shawn. Trina asked his redneck mom how she felt about “People attacking your baby boy.” After mentioning that he had shown up to the academy with a different girl, Shawn compared himself to James Bond. Well, minus the charm, skill, gadgets, threads, dangerous missions, rides, and accent.

Ashley whimpered about how Josh’s hick-mother didn’t like her, who proceeded to fake make-up for the cameras. How sweet.

As for Matsu, it was the first time Jenna’s parents had ever met him and let’s just say he’s not one to make the greatest first impression, especially at the Tool Academy. Jenna filled the empty silence with the wonderful news of Matsu being unfaithful so, right off the bat, her reserved parents could hate him even more. Matsuflex was thinking just what we were: “Wow! That was a weird icebreaker, now wasn’t it?”

Next, the couples were presented with baby pigs that they had to treat and take care of like real babies. They definitely weren’t very sensitive to their babies’ feelings.

“Is that pig you’re eating?” Aida asked Shawn.

Shawn replied, “No, it’s pork.” And you grew up on a farm?? Seriously?

Josh chowed down on a huge bacon breakfast, which of course his girlfriend couldn’t resist either and Matsu thought: “How dare you eat bacon in the sight of your child pig!”

Then Matsu talked about himself some more, believe it or not, saying -and I’m not making this up- “If I can harness that “Matsuflex energy” it’s gonna help change America in a more positive way.” Adding, “Matsuflex is a revolution. It’s going to change America.”

So, dumb Loud Mouth Tool, Shawn, decides to pick away at Jenna and Matsuflex’s relationship just like he did with M.E.G.A. & Margo and Tommy & Krista…dude, you need a better strategy. Maybe, um, changing! Anyway, this shot him to the Most Hated Person in the House status and he threw a weird little tantrum where he pushed Matsu into a wall, which was followed by an awkward silence.

Surprisingly, he was told he was tool and was kicked out. Josh called Aida a hooker and they both stormed back inside like a trashy, drunk, immature little couple and left again. Shawn assured himself he was Mr. Awesome and the last two couples partied.

Josh said: “Me and Matsuflex are the only couples in the house!” Well, it’s nice to know that they’re owning up to it!

Mimi