What an Idiot

This week, the tools worked on their romantic sides. During therapy, this meant that they and their girlfriends talk through sock puppets, which made Krista think that Trina was “losing her nut a little.” Naturally.

After a stupid, rather pointless challenge, the tools picked their planned dates (e.g. movie date) and went shopping for their girlfriends. Most bought jewelry, but Shawn kept his in a safe place. *Shawn proceeds to pull out the special gift for Aida…just left of Kung Fu Hero* Aaw. He makes the profound realization “it’s not the quantity of girls but the quality of one girl that makes me happy.”

Tommy, Stupid Tool, was surprisingly romantic when he asked whiny Krista ”Wanna kiss and stuff?”

Matsu threw another fit, this time directed at Tommy’s lack of participation in group therapy. *Meow!* Oh, so now there’s a cat in the kitchen? Matsu, we don’t punch cats.

In the end, Stupid Tool was kicked out of Tool Academy and, three minutes later, forgot why. Krista left him for being so dense and picking an outdoor date -ugh- and then the other tools heckled him from their we’re-still-in-tool-academy-and-you’re-not balcony. Obvious things like “Did your girl leave you tonight?” and “Now you can go home and get a job!” Matsuflex is such a pal! All Shawn had to say about the series of events was “What an idiot!” I agree, Loud Mouth. *vows never to say that again*

Amazing Race. -Again? Yes, again. -Already? Uh-huh.

On the season premiere of Amazing Race last night, we watched a deaf contestant drop a 50-lb. block of cheese and get laughed at as he grunted and rolled down the hill by the locals. Nothing like good ‘ol family shows. One of the older couples, let’s call them The We’re-Not-Rednecks, got lost in the simplest of places. If there were English directions every couple feet, pretty arrows, flashing signs, and a handy walking-and-talking Travelocity gnome pointing the way to the mat, they still wouldn’t be able to find it. The tempting smell of warm muskrat on a spit next to the mat? They’d be there as fast as their little legs could carry them. Remember: not rednecks. The brother-and-sister-lawyer team decided they didn’t want to make enemies that early in the race. So they immediately lied to other racers and jumped in front of them to get to the clueboxes first. One girl said the hardest thing she ever had to do was walk up a hill and then the hardest thing she ever had to do was walk back down the hill, not carrying cheese like everyone else. She was sent home, so that was probably promoted to “hardest thing she ever had to do” status.

Mimi

I Wanna be Mr. Awesome

This week on Tool Academy, the tools were forced to take a lie detector test, as the trust part of their therapy. Rob, Power Tool, was a big baby and didn’t want to do it. He and Karine left early partly ’cause he was a tool for cheating on her, partly for his anxiety attack, and also since Tool Academy obviously wasn’t helping their relationship. *all hell breaks loose in the houses*

During the trust competition, where the tools had to talk their blindfolded girls through a series of dumb steps, Ashley was dubbed well-done in her human oven and Jenna shared some inspirational words after her’s and Matsuflex’s win. 

“Even though Matsu ran me into a door…and a tree…I totally trust him.” Adding, “I don’t have to pull Ryan’s weight. Aida pulls a lot of Shawn’s weight and Krista is Tommy’s mom!”

The other girls turn on her back at the house, hinting at her giving her prize date to one of them. Krista and Aida gang up on Jenna, accusing her of very random, unrelated things. Jenna stands up for herself. Ashley sits back and says “Hey! That was mean, you guys.”

Guess Karine kept the peace, huh?

Unfortunately, Tommy was thisclose to being sent home and he got to stay since Rob ditched. He was extremely excited and said this: “I wanna be Mr. Awesome for Krista.”

You stupid tool! There. Is. No. Mr. Awesome. Give it up.

Mimi

Is it a Chuck Bass Version of Narnia?

GG-

D + S are “over!” Who’s surprised? Ooh! Not me! Not me!

B was in trouble then not (hello! no cell phones for Constance girls? what were they thinking?!), Miss Carr was scandalized over someone witnessing her having frequent coffees with Dan Humphrey, then her name was cleared, B was expelled (this couldn’t even last a whole episode?), back in, MC was fired, B was wrongfully cleared, and finally MC was back in but she wouldn’t be aware of this, as she was undressing D at the time of the call. Guess the best-friends-with-S thing wasn’t destined to last long…

Meanwhile, C is obsessed with some mystery nanny he met in his drugged-out dreams and N and V finally make a laid-back appearance as a couple. Excuse me: adorable!

GG needs more plotlines as opposed to, I don’t know, the same tired, recycled one. 

OTH-

We learned a valuable dating tip from Jamie Scott on One Tree Hill last night. When your wingman is focusing in on your prospective woman, shouting “He was in jail!” usually throws said woman off the scent. Of course this was his teacher, let’s call her Tina, and his wingman was his grandpa, the wonderful Dan Scott. Later, Jamie broke down and told him “Go away. You’re mean. That’s why daddy and uncle Lucas don’t like you.” Good point!

Oh, the OTH mini-controversies!

The whole episode was a clever casting session for all the characters on OTH, being cast as their teenage counterparts in Lucas’ movie. Peyton wasn’t allowed to see her fiancee unless she tried out for the role of “Peyton Sawyer” and Brooke was stalked by her actress-self, embodying Brooke and making notes on her every move, mastering her raspy voice, and suggesting sluttier clothes for her character. Brooke was upset by Julian’s casting requirements of her high school self’s part (and that he agreed with the sluttier clothes) but all was resolved in the end.

Whew, OTH! That was about to get controversial!

A Double Shot at Love (season finale)-

There was a plan, not from the beginning… but nearing the last couple weeks, an unspoken plan had definitely been set in motion. Trevor adored Rikki and “had a lot of fun” with Vikki. Rebekah clicked with Vikki and so did her son. Trevor told Rikki he loved her. It was an obvious finale! Rikki and Trevor, Vikki and Rebekah. But no. First, both girls send Rebekah home, saying they’re in love with someone else: Trevor. Bum-bum-bum! Yeah, we figured that out. Trevor comes and hovers between them on their floating platforms, which looks curiously close to walking a plank either way, and says how much he likes Rikki, which we, and she, already know. They tell him its his decision. Trevor is not the best decision-maker in the world. He says something about being honest with himself and walks over the Vikki plank. WHAT?!?! Yes, Rikki, we were surprised as you.

There you go, folks. Don’t leave anything up to an easily-distracted, barely-opinionated surfer.

Mimi

Dude, That Was My Apple

Tool Academy, week 4-

What does Maturity mean to the tools?

Shawn, Loud Mouth Tool says, “Well, I run around farting a lot. And I laugh at it…So I guess that’s immature.”

Josh, Tiny Tool says (and I quote), “I define maturity as…I can’t marry a bowling ball but I can marry my fiancee.”

Krista was trying to get Tommy, Stupid Tool, to settle on a career. He wavered between working on SportsCenter, being a marine biologist, and working on SportsCenter. He told Krista “I don’t have to be a brain scientist.”

During the interview before the “caveman” competition, Josh showed that he doesn’t know cavemen/Tarzan(?) don’t exist in the modern world and that they say “oog”, pound their chests, and hold clubs. He didn’t understand the teamwork aspect at all. This is the same guy who wanted a door off a car as his five-year plan.

Matsuflex expressed his love for filling buckets…Or maybe it was something else… “Matsuflex is thirsty and when Matsuflex is thirsty he’s gonna fill up his bucket!” Celebrity, too!!!

Shawn showed off his “Kung Fu Hero” tattoo; flashing everyone, and thought it was really cool.

So…Stupid Tool, Naked Tool, and Loud Mouth Tool decide Margo and M.E.G.A. are faking their relationship for the prize money and M.E.G.A. goes to the loud metal room to confront them about it.

Hey can somebody turn off those 20+ dishwashers? I don’t think they can hear me over all the noise. Thanks.

Matsu was drunk by this point and thought he was tough so he threw an apple (Tommy’s apple, dude. Sorry, dude.), a can of beer, either a smoothie or a cream-filled doughnut (someone was having fun with the sound effects) and screamed “Aaaaaaaahh!” a lot. Boo. Scary.

The tools went to Glee Club. Power Tool said “I don’t wear baby blue.” and Loud Mouth thought he was the best at singing Four Score and Three Tools Ago.

M.E.G.A. was eliminated because of Margo. Why, you ask?

On their picnic, after winning the Caveman comp., he told Margo that he loved her and was happy she was in his life, etc.; very personal, open things. She laughed at him every time. Now, of all the tools, MEGA was the least toolish, the most mature, and he’sthe one stuck with the manipulative girlfriend? Basically, he stood up for Margo and cared about her 1,000 times more than she cared about him. I personally hope MEGA sees the light and finds someone with a little more compassion. I guess that’s it for the “MEGA’s view” section…

Once MEGA and Margo got in the limo to go home, Jenna said “Maybe Margo should’ve been with the tools and MEGA should have been with us girls.” If only they weren’t paying all their attention to Stupid Tool’s mad basketball skillz and Loud Mouth’s Kung Fu Hero.

Mimi