You Put Something In Your Head When It’s Really Fictitious, Dude

The OTH Omigod Column:

“Jack Daniel’s”‘ brother is a murderer! Omigod! Peyton has cancer! Omigod! Millie and Owen are gonna get some! Omigod! Brooke has the hots for Julian! Omigod! Luke’s considering killing Haley! Omigod, OTH!

After a few Mr. Midget Jamie scenes, and through the warbling of Kate Voegele, Jamie read the line of dead, dead, dead just like nanny Carrie is dead, dead, dead. But who else will die? We can hope Nathan goes nuts, following in Dan’s footsteps, and kills Q’s killer himself. Peyton might die but unless she wants an out from the show, I figure her paycheck has a lot of digits and she’s too important of a character. Or maybe the killing will skip Nate’s generation and Jamie will kill that jerk-faced little kid! Cute, innocent Jamie.

So Sam has run away again, Brooke’s mad at Owen again, Millie broke it off with Mouth (only to give it up to Owen, but give her props; he’s a step up), Nathan was teased by the other children for being short, Peyton kinda fired Mia, Brooke got her drawings back and maybe Q will be avenged.

Though we won’t have the show back until January 6th I think this was a pretty rockin’ episode to not tie up all our loose ends.

*sigh* The Hills.

This week, Audrina accused Lauren of hooking up with Justin. First Lauren laughed and then told Audrina “He is disgusting. He disgusts me.” but Audrina still thought “nope, nuh-uh, you’re lying to me.” Then Audrina approached Justin with the same whiny question and he’s like “dude. we were so chill and now you’re like messin’ up.” but Audrina still thought “he must be lying, too. I’ll call Simpleton Pratt, because of course she would know the scoop!”

I know this show is garbage but maybe in a way, it’s a diamond in the rough. If there aren’t scripts or the writers have these people pegged we get a closer look into their ugly souls and empty, pathetic lives. If Audrina really doesn’t trust her friend or stoner-boyfriend and then goes on Ellen, carrying her favorite rumor with her? That’s probably real.

In Heidi and Spencer news… *blech*

*Mimi dry-heaves until she regains control* Excuse me. Heidi and Spencer, the biggest trainwreck couple since Brit and K-Fed have eloped. Where did they elope? Cabo; the one place the entire rest of the cast went on vacation and they weren’t invited. Jealous much? I’m sure this elopement will make a lot of people happy like Simple- no, Hol- no, their pare- no, Heidi’s co-wor- no, their friends- no, they don’t have any of those…Huh. Well I guess they’re happy witheach other? OK, I’m not betting on that either. Is this just a childish stunt for attention? Yes! I agree with that!

Music.

I loved The Killers. It’s mean to say I don’t anymore but, hey, I bought their new album and fell off the crazy boat with ‘em! This wasn’t fresh like Hot Fuss (or maybe it was fresh like produce; something no one is interested in), it wasn’t completely awesome like Sam’s Town and it wasn’t random/lovable like all the tracks of Sawdust but we have to settle. They’re just into dead-bird-jackets and strip-poker now. Alright.

And…No Doubt is back together!!! I’m so pumped!!! I wonder where the Harajukus will go…ND will be touring next year so get ready!

Mimi

I’m Fighting the Urge from Tying Him to a Chair and Beating Him to Death

On One Tree Hill, the entire episode was some sort of old-timey swing-club dream of Lucas’s where Dan Scott was violent, Nathan was a lowly bartender, Haley was the singer that somehow Dan “owned”, Brooke was the broke girl who owed Dan money and wasn’t trusted to use a gun, Mouth was the dweeby reporter who was killed and nobody cared, Peyton was Dan’s daughter-figure/handbag/lover?, and Lucas was cool and important. In the end scene of his dream, Peyton was shot, then she woke him up by calling and after she hung up she got shot again-? This made no sense and it looks like next week’s episode is just Brooke going back to her mommy duties so nothing will be explained. Maybe Peyton suffered from a sporadic charlie-horse-in-the-side.

On The Hills, Audrina used her talent of making everyone’s faces fall whenever she mentioned Justin Bobby, Heidi invited herself to her Chief Boss’s space-office, Spencer was confronted by Heidi but not really, Holly moved in with Lauren and Lo but we only got to hear about it and Justin sported some awesome outfits.

The real question is: Which is Justin Bobby’s best look?

Hooded sombrero or high-water yoga pants + mandals or *gasp* Both?

Mimi

Dude, Your Boyfriend’s an Idiot

Hello! Everyone knows that! And, excuse me, “Brent” but they so deserve each other! Good thing because nobody can match their blondness.

Do we care if dead-to-the-world Whitney goes out with the sunken-cheeked model or the guitar-boy-straight-from-the-Hills’-aussie-factory? Say it with me, NO! She’s getting her own show for God knows what reason on the other coast so how about we pay attention to evil Lo and Brody making Simpleton cry.

Mimi

O Genius Twins Kelly and Christy!

Kelly and Christy set new lows in the history of Amazing Race this season but were finally eliminated this week.

First off, they have the inability to read clues. e.g., digging in the sand for their “container.” They played basketball before reading the clue instructing them to play basketball, they ran up to the summit as opposed to driving, and always acted like it was someone else’s fault they couldn’t read.

Though they didn’t pass their knot 18,000 times, whine that people didn’t say hi to them, or switch tasks out of complete laziness (like Aja and her beautiful Ty) there was the sports-bra issue. Long argument short: Christy’s sports-bra was blown into the bushes by the wind and she openly accused Starr, the slutty girl with the hots for Teen Wolf who would be interested if he wasn’t already in a relationship with his mother. (Yes, that’s my favorite love-triangle ever!)

But this week topped everything – well, except maybe the digging. The task was to run through people throwing dye at you to a stand filled with Amazing Race clue letters that obviously either said TRY AGAIN or contained a clue.

So Kelly runs through- scratch that. Kelly runs back to Christy to get a drink of water and spit it on the ground. Hmm. “Let me tie a handkerchief around your face so you look like a bandit, too, Kelly.” “Okay!” So. Kelly runs through the mob of people, rips off a clue and runs back to Christy who’s shouting “good job! way to go!” Until she sees that the clue says TRY AGAIN. Kelly runs back and forth once, twice, three times before realizing to check the clue at the stand instead of wasting time, effort, and cheers.

The crowd, on the other hand, loved soaking her – it was a blast! After finally completing the task, now at the back of the pack (as the players love to refer to themselves), no cab driver will let Kelly ride in her disgusting head-to-toe gray state.

That’s okay, you guys. At least you didn’t dig through a sick bird’s litter box looking for a clue.

Mimi

Would the next president please stand up?

I cannot go through the rest of the day without saying something. The fact that Barack Obama won the presidential election after months of bad, slandering campaigns from the opposing party, thousands of preposterously racist, empty and skeptical comments, and basically all the odds against him is incredible. To think that maybe for a change we can stand behind someone literate, well-composed, smart and inspirational is a refreshing change of pace. Not to be led by a moron, not to be at war forever, not to be making terrible decisions? We could even be considered a credible and serious nation.

I think this unavoidably massive feeling of a weight being lifting off every American’s chest; the feeling of unity; the feeling of better things to come is so alive in the streets of small towns and metropolis cities today.

Not only as a young individual, but as an individual, period, I am proud of what Obama has acheived and trust that this is only the beginning of a turn-around.

If you read this and feel strongly about the election please leave a comment and explain in a few words from your point of view what this day means to you.

Mimi

Lacrostitutes and Fratvestites

J and N have turned into another instance of tiny-head/massive-head like Michael Cera (of the baby cranium) and big-skulled Kat Dennings. Not mention the Vanessa-Nate-Jenny love triangle seems a little creepy now. Sort of like seperately dating sisters…

Gold-Godiva-Gucci-Gerber vs. Playstation-pizza-pinball-pie. Which sounds more costly? Don’t Playstations go for a lot these days? Ah, who am I kidding? Gucci. 

On The Hills, Audrina moved out and Lo pretended to “feel bad” while grinning evilly. Victories! Spencer showed up at Heidi’s event, pumped her with alcohol and grinned evilly after she got in trouble which, in turn, led to her not-so-dramatic firing. Double victorioso!

Lauren, what do you think about Audrina moving out? “I like didn’t realize she was going to move like it was literally like “oh by the way I’m going to move like right now.” Aw. That’s OK, Lauren. It was time for Audrina and her 16 tubes of toothpaste to move on.

Mimi

Last-Minute Spoon-fed Lines For a Vote

Who thinks McCain’s “sad grandpa” strategy will win him any more votes before tomorrow?

Mimi