The Wicked Witch is Dead!

GG: J has become quite the little good girl/bad girl to top all good girl/bad girls. She was causing such a stir that Rufus didn’t even have to know that D was in the slammer. And how many of B’s plans can go wrong, exactly? If her powers work ending in an opposite reaction, maybe she should pass them on to our current government. C also made up the funny line of “My mother died in a plane crash in the Andes when I was six.” which seems rather obscure and very creative for being made-up on the fly, but you never know what he’ll say next.

OTH: Why? Why would Hailey show up to the creepy set-house in the woods to see Grandpa Dan and his “hospice nurse” without a weapon? Why?! I guess ’cause she isn’t watching all the scenes. She should really be more committed to the show.

The Wicked Witch is (finally) Dead! If she doesn’t go down with the first wine bottle blow to the head just shoot her in the heart a couple times. *Bang!* Don’t ever dare your killer to kill you; things don’t end well. Man, this was the best episode all season!

TH: New Funny Lines

Heidi’s mom: Spencer, you’re rude, condescending and hostile.

Spencer: Ha! Like no.

Brody: Somebody’s got a lotta nerve to show her face around here.

Stephanie Pratt: I don’t even have anything to say.

Brody: Nothing?

SP: You’re really mean. To me.

And then Whitney said…Wait. That’s right. Whitney is a lifeless post.

Greek News Cappie News

A few things to know before getting to know Cappie:

Has the tendency to write “Buttmunch” on people.

Has slept with every girl in a 10-mile radius (see week 3)

Enjoys frequent drunken man-cuddles

Is somewhat full of himself and will put down any dude who is not him, especially if said dude is dating the one and only Casey Cartwright

Mimi

Dissatisfying Housewives aired? Huh.

Oh, my. This season premiere was by far the worst one ever, beginning with one predictable hello-I’m-about-to-pie-you-in-the-face spoon-fed scene after another. Gaby suddenly has a grossly overweight 9-year-old (maybe “four-and-a-half” by sumo-children standards), Susan’s super-blond five-year-old  son is a redneck, Danielle took her baby - shocker – Bree and Katherine are beyond boring, Edie’s back along with a new mysterious man who can’t handle his “rage” (probably against Mike), Tom did something almost interesting but not really, Susan is dating a seventeen-year-old in secret except that it was caught on a cellular telephone but along with this garbage-fest, we also have to handle some sad news… Lynette has lost two of her four children; either they died or ran away out of fear of being beaten by the ugly stick like the twins. It’s a shame but why waste the money on two Solis children, three Van de Kamps, two Mayers, and four or five Scavos when you can cut out two-thirds of the cast? After all, we have Susan’s secret fling with the teenage painter to watch and pretend the writers aren’t dating themselves.

Mimi

All These Years We’ve Been Calling Him Skills And I Thought It Had Something To Do With Basketball.

The Usual Lineup…

Gossip Girl: Nate and Blair were both humiliated, though B was more dramatic as always, when they saw evidence that The Duchess Catherine and Lord Marcus seemed to enjoy each others’ “company” more than their current suitors. Cutting the Nacho Supremo Grande Chancellor out of the equation altogether, are we? Then when Blair had almost cleared everything up and got Nate off the hook Vanessa had to go meddle and ruin the situation by telling said Chancellor. Serena and Dan briefly tried being friendly but since that didn’t work, why not be hostile enemies? Sounds fun. Jenny was lame and outcasted but nothing that monumental happened, Rufus and Lily’s pathetic fake-love is back in the picture but suddenly Rufus is considered a prize. Much like his son, huh?

One Tree Hill: This episode was basically finishing mourning Quentin Fields (his full name was mentioned about a dozen times in case you forgot), Hailey finding Grandpa Dan was missing, Brooke offering her store to her mother, ahem, Victoria on a platter, Lucas getting on Nathan’s nerves about Skills and his mom, Peyton reminding the viewers she was still engaged, and Psycho Ex-nanny breaking into Jamie’s bedroom. Next week doesn’t look too good for him, either…

The Hills: If you hadn’t guessed, this episode was about Lauren being gone for 20 minutes of the half hour in Rome and Stephanie going on a date with Doug since Audrina and Lo had a very long, totally productive conversation over bony-girl lunch.

Audrina: Um, Stephanie came over this morning talking about going on a date. With Doug.

Lo: Stephanie’s going on a date with Doug?

Audrina: I don’t know.

Lo: Stephanie’s going on a date with Doug?

Audrina: I guess so.

Lo: Stephanie’s going on a date with Doug?

Audrina: I’m not sure of the details.

Lo: Stephanie’s going on a date with Doug?

*Audrina frowns at Lo, who is suddenly deaf and stupider than Simpleton Pratt (and that’s saying something!)*

Then Heidi invited Audrina and Justin to double-date with her and Spencer, Audrina pondered the invitation to stretch out the show before going and recounting the events to Lauren upon her arrival…Chick, didn’t you leave, like eight minutes ago? Brody told Lauren “I told you so.” and tried to console her ‘as her a friend.’ I bet next week’s dialogue will go something like this:

Lauren: Stephanie, you went on a date with Doug?

Stephanie: I don’t know.

Lauren: You went on a date with Doug?

Stephanie: I’m not sure of the details yet.

They need new writers something awful! I guess I’ll be available in a few weeks.

Privileged: The twins still don’t like you, Megan, and they’re not about to start if this is going to stretch out into an entire full-length TV series. So stop trying to win them over, ignore your sister for good, and let your dating life run rampant over the remainder of your hobbies. Word.

ANTM: After my fave, Samantha, was repeatedly slapped on the wrist and insulted a little more, Isis went home this week. No comment.

Seperately-

Greek News Cappie News

(week 3)

Rules and Perks of Being Cappie:

1. Abide by Cappie’s wishes at all times.

2. Cappie always wins.

3. Don’t try to outsmart Cappie. He’s not that smart. But somehow he will still win so don’t get your hopes up, Rusty.

4. Don’t feel too bad about having slept with Cappie; Casey, Frannie and Rebecca. Nearly every girl in a ten-mile radius has. Even the pledges. Yup. Nobody is above the Capster.

5. Even when you think Cappie is your closest friend, he’s still Cappie, he’s still in charge, and he still has bigger, better pranks and tests in mind for you. Rusty.

Mimi

MADtv vs. SNL

MADtv’s “Audrina bringing the drama from The Hills” skit was very funny, especially to us weekly Hills’ viewers. I have to admit, the evil music was extremely similar to the going-to-commercial-Heidi-and/or-Spencer-just-said-something-like-totally-shocking wow-wa-wa-wah music.

Blake Lively made a brief, random guest appearance on the SNL Digital Short and Cameron Diaz returned to the Cougar Den, but the unfunny host killed the rest of the show without managing to kill Andy. Hm.

Since MADtv is usually lousy and included some distasteful material they may or may not later regret, SNL came out on top like always.

Not to mention they couldn’t have a better host than Anna Faris next week. Yay, Shelley/Samantha James!

Mimi

The Search for Stryker

OK, skimming through web results, these are what I found (besides on Ellen’s site) about Stryker: http://www.spock.com/Ted-Stryker-unkG1d3. I’m assuming it’s accurate even if it’s not up-to-date. A few of the comments were cute…Wally World…just something to read while we find answers. Like spies. ‘Cept we don’t wear ugly trenchcoats. Or are those strictly for detectives? Whatever. Here’s one if you want to know any and everything about his past: http://www.americansuperstarmag.com/media/Aug06/Stryker.php. It’s two years old. His eye makeup looks funny, though and you can read about his life before Ellen. This is Wikipedia’s full bio: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stryker_(disc_jockey) and here is KROQ’s info, pics, interviews; all that: http://www.kroq-data.com/stryker/index.asp. My favorite pic: http://www.kroq-data.com/stryker/gallery/misc/stryker_tima.html. Adorable.

Really a shame he’s gone. Well not gone, gone. Just gone from our TVs every day.

Mimi

We Still Heart Stryker!!

I’ve noticed some of my people searching for Ellen’s DJ, Stryker and, yes, I’m as royally bent as you are. What was it, two seasons ago (?), Tony was Dee-jaying and, sure he was a charming British man at the time. That, of course, was before Stryker came along. I loved Stryker. And I’m assuming some of you did, too. The good news is that he is supposedly moving on to bigger and better things and got offers elsewhere. The bad news is when Tony (hoo…hoo) left he was attempting to become an actor or something and that didn’t exactly play out. All the best of luck to you, Stryker. We never got to see enough of you but you were only completely wonderful to Ellen and, in my opinion, a huge asset to the show.

I’ll try to keep you guys posted on his whereabouts and what he’s up to in the future. Until then, I guess we have to deal with Tony. Hoo…hoo…

Mimi

Cappie News; week 2

Greek News Cappie News

This week, Cappie put Rusty in his place. After all, if he’s going to be included in Cappie’s group, he better earn his spot! Cappie was still recovering from his breakup with Rebecca (who chose to hang at Gentleman’s Choice, the strip-club? no the other one oh.), feeling sad that he couldn’t step up for her. Aaw. There, there, Cappie. At least you still have your dresses.

And this episode just proved that when Cappie walks into a room, yes, you do leap out of your seat to offer it to him. It’s only polite.

Mimi

Privileged: Hit or No Hit?

Privileged is a new CW show based on the godawful, boring-as-all-get-out book How to Teach Filthy Rich Girls by New York Times Best-Selling author (keep in mind, for the A-List!), Zoey Dean. The book and series is based on a 20-something Yale grad sent to tutor two spoiled, privileged teens and get slightly mistreated along the way. It doesn’t take place in Beverly Hills or the Upper East Side, so it already had something going for it. Add in lovable, funny Megan Smith, a fresh + funky summerish pilot soundtrack, and plenty of fly-over views of Palm Beach and I think this show will prove to be one to tune into.

The real question, Howie, is Hit or No Hit?

Mimi

As You All Know…

Sunday-

As You All Know, this week was kicked off with the 2008 MTV VMAs…

From our terribly inappropriate, self-righteous host to Jordan Chastity-Belt Sparks, the night of the VMAs was far more in-your-face that’s-what-you-get-from-live-TV sort of-controversial. The Jonas Brothers were the butt of all jokes (rather funny at first and I’m not about to pretend it wasn’t) and Xtina Aguilera proved what a super-hooker she could be in a touch-myself Genie in a Bottle performance. Overall, the entire show was a disaster.

Monday-

AYAK, the commercials for The Hills looked perplexing But Let Me Tell You, the actual episode was nothing great.

Sunday’s episode of The Hills ended with Doug and Brody “in jail” and this night’s episode began with Lauren, Lo, and Simpleton Pratt searching phone books for them. It went something like this:

“Doug got punched and both he and Brody are in jail.” *girls gape*

“Where are Doug and Brody? They weren’t at any of these jails!”

“Doug got punched and both he and Brody are in jail.”

“Audrina is going down.” (Lo)

“Where are they? We have to keep looking! We’ll never find them!”

*Doug and Brody saunter in*

Wow! So thrilling! And still, nobody seemed to care if it was Frankie’s “birthday” or not.

Audrina and Justin Bobby avoided LC and her crew in Vegas, but not before the guys from all sides decided to give the girls advice on their friendships.

The theatrical trailers all week showed Lauren and Audrina having some sort of teary-eyed breakup, but it turned out to not really happen. Great. Exciting. Thanks.

Heidi and Spencer were lackluster- the entire time. Spencer was “working on his high scores” and whining about Holly deleting his shows on TiVo and Heidi was “working.” Pfft.

On Gossip Girl, AKA the juiciest and most messed-up show ever:

In a turn of events, Marcus’ mother; The Dutchess is actually Nate’s mistress Catherine, who doesn’t approve of Blair especially after hearing she is N’s ex. Serena knows all the dish, of course, but is mostly annoyed at Chuck for bringing Catherine when B didn’t invite him since, hey, it’s pretty easy to be annoyed at Chuck Bass. The Archibalds are having money problems, to which Chuck made a hefty donation towards and Catherine covered the rest for her “adolescent” lover. In the end, Nate’s problems were too big to follow through with his plans with Vanessa and Blair found out about the affair. This might be a lot to wrap your head around but that’s okay. Gossip Girl is always there to spell it out for you, slowly and in baby-speak.

I probably shouldn’t have tuned in to the last 10 minutes of One Tree Hill, where Lucas and Peyton had stolen hip-hop child, Grandpa Dan was surprisingly still alive but Brooke looked like death itself. It’s kind of tricky not to blink for 60 seconds, or so I’ve heard. And just when you think things can’t get any stranger, Q gets shot in the last five minutes on top of the other body at the gas station! Jeez, this show loves to kill off its own characters.

Tuesday-

Greek News. Cappie News.

Cappie had an awesome-cool Augustana poster in his fake room which only made me like him more and he won the big, important card game! Yay! So much for an hourly moral. Things were finally broken off between Cappie and Rebecca but it’s for the better. She’s was all wrong for him; needy and self-absorbed; serious and totally not fun!

Mimi

90210 – The Verdict

There was so much wrong with this show even I was surprised. Here goes, from the top; unoriginal plot (newcomer is tossed into mean, snobby circle and outcasted, then joins the loners who were “nicer”), too melodramatic for its own good, pulling the easy race card every fifteen minutes, Jennie Garth Silver-I’m-Your-Sister reminders, the cynical young teacher soon to have an affair with a student – I’ll give it a month – 20-something actors faking almost-16 like every other teen series or book on the planet, no storyline so let’s run around in the surf, and oh, yeah really bad acting.

I have to admit Greek was better. Hm. Never thought I’d say that.

Mimi